So I set my guys up with all they need to get past the first date on one of my last post but then I don't tell them what to do next. What kind of Doctor of Love am I to just leave them hanging. So in this post I am going to hook them up and let them know what they need to do.
Let me set the scene for you because I know you like to picture this junk you pervs. You go back to her place, at her door your thinking should I give her a good night kiss, hands all sweaty like a loser, and she is like do you want to come inside-Surpriiiiiise. (Remember that surprise from the sweetest thing where the dude popped his junk out of the glory hole and hit Cameron Diaz in the eye. Well that is the surprise I am using so when you read it out loud make sure you say surpriiiise in like a higher pitched voice. It makes it sweeter trust me. If you have not seen that movie, well its got parts in it that are really funny but as a whole it's just alright. The few parts are worth it though.)
So you go inside, her house is clean, which is not that much of a surprise(that is a normal surprise right there so don't do the voice just say it normal) because you are with a real lady here. Then she puts on the tv- I know you want to watch the game but don't look at it, stay focused, or just get a spot where you can watch the tv but fake like your paying attention. So then let her make the first move, keep licking your lips though and grabbing at your junks, don't itch it but just maybe like pinch it a few times and even point to it everyonce in awhile to get her all excited let her know you want it. Just don't make it obvious, you don't want to come off as a perv who is just in it to hit it. Then after making out for like 5 mins of really sloppy kissing(extra sloppy please) she will say the classic line to you-let me go change into something more comfortable. You know what that means. I know your thinking wtf? do hot girls actually use that line- well if they are hot enough they will. So why she is getting changed, make sure you stretch and then get your mp3 player ready. So when she invites you back into the room, this is what you do.
Say nice robe, and then you put your mp3 player into her computer and play this:
This freaking song will get the slut really moving. If she is like I can't dance tell her to shut up and get to moving her junk. It doesn't matter if she is off beat, just the fact that she is shaking it is enough. I know you probably can't dance but I have figured out a way around that for all of you. I know you can't dance like me and that is fine. You will never be like me so don't try, she won't expect that from you, she obviously sets her bar low if she is letting you in so be confident in that. This is the move you do. Since you are wearing the warm up pants- make sure they are the kind that snaps off like a basketball player. I am sure it goes without saying that you have no underwear on all night, I hope you figured that part out already but if you didn't your an idiot and make sure you are free balling it please. Now that you know your not rocking undies, as she is shaking her jelly your gonna want to shake yours, so get up and rip those freaking pants off, make sure you keep your socks and tshirt on and just have your balls and junk barely showing and just let it flop around. Trust me she will be losing it after like six flops. I have surveyed a ton of girls, done a ton of research, tons of graphs to back it up and all of the ladies say there is not a better look for a guy then a dude that is just bottomless with a tshirt and socks on. Don't be afraid to let it flop around, the floppier the better but don't really let her see all of it, let her use some imagination jeez.
Look you know what to do at this point, just freaking close the deal. After she sees you bottomless it is basically in the bank for you at that point. I would continue to dance the song out and then play some r kelly but that is just me.
Make sure you do not cuddle and make sure you leave if you ever want to see this girl again. Also call her by the wrong name afterwards- don't let her have control.
Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
10 things he is thinking on the first date
Dr. Love is in the house. I need to be playing guitar, drinking some soda and going to be, but instead I will hit you all up because I know you are waiting. So lets get to it. Glamour has taken a bunch of idiot guys and asked them what they are thinking before the first date. So I am going to take each guy and what they had to say and give him some advice. Lets hope he lands the girl of his dreams like I helped that fat funny guy I was telling you about in the last post. Here we go:
1. Gerald 29 "I tell myself, Don’t embarrass yourself and ask a lot of questions.” Questions are good, I am full of them like "do you mind if I stare at this other girls butt as she walks by." See what I did there was ask a question-engage her so that she is part of the conversation, and also be nice, polite about it, don't get mad if she says no just roll your eyes to make her feel bad. Plus you basically know at that point she is a prude and your not going to hit that night so you may want to leave now.
2.Dan 20 "Is she the type of girl who will think it’s cheesy/over-the-top if I open the car door, or will she think I’m a true gentleman?” She will think your cheesy I am sure-these girls always talk about being independent so I just sit in the car and wait for her to open it for me. Most of the time they don't but the good ones will If she doesn't wait a few seconds and then drive away while she thinks about what she has done wrong. Text her later and apologize and make up an excuse. She will want you back I am sure of it. Also never open the door to the place your going, allow her, let her feel like she is actually doing something on the date not just looking hot. Girls these days want to feel valued so let them. Let her order also for you. "I will take the steak" And for you sir? Stare at her until she orders for you. "He would like nuggets and ranch oh no nuggets, then tenders."
3. Michael, 25, Hoppington, Mass."What the hell is she doing with me?!” I have no idea Michael, probably just bored and didn't want to sit home alone. No way she is actually interested- I learned that the hard way.
4. Mark, 27, St. Louis, Mo. "Uh-oh, she’s a lactose-intolerant vegetarian. What am I going to feed this girl?” WTF Mark what do you really expect to get out of this girl. She is more trouble then she is worth unless she is really hot then you stick around but if she is just average run now.
5. “If things go well, when is the next time I should call her?” —Rob, 27, New York City. Don't call her Rob let her call you. She will if she liked you enough, if not she will have already kicked you to the curb and on to the next guy. Your probably thinking things went really well, she is quite the opposite, saying how do I turn this guy down nicely. I will wait a few days then tell him I have been thinking this over for the last few days and we are just better off as friends, good luck with that Rob. Your gonna get a call either way don't worry.
6.“I worry that I’ll make a joke about something, start laughing, and then she will not.” —Jim, 24, North Attleboro, Mass. All girls love a guy with a great sense of humor. Normally it is on the top of the list which is probably why I have had so much success. I am good with the zings so I never have had to worry about if the girl does not laugh, I only worry if she laughs to hard and embarrasses me with her loud laugh. Try having that problem Jim, being to funny that no girl wants to be with you because their stomachs hurt from laughing too hard that they are in pain by the end of the date and they actually have to say we can't do this anymore because you are too funny. Think about that Jim before you start complaining about not being funny at all. Walk a mile in my shoes if you can make it without killing yourself from laughing to hard.
7.“Before a first date, I am usually thinking about topics to keep the conversation going and reminding myself of manners.” —Chris, 22, Wayne, N.J. Yeah I always think it is a good idea to right them on your body. Just have topics all over like favorite color, how do you like the weather so far, if you were an animal what would you be? That sort of thing. I even write one on my junk in case I get lucky that way I have something to talk about while we are hitting it. Yeah so hold on oh yeah do you like that and also if you could have one superpower what would you have? What do you mean shut up I am ruining this, that is it I am out of here. Oh and one more thing hold on let me find it(looks at upper thigh)" What is your favorite rollar coaster?" Rebel Yell- backwards or forwards(winging it right now like a true pro) ok ok I'm leaving jeez.
8. “If I take her to a scary movie, will she grab onto my arm?” —Corey, 29, Salt Lake City, Utah Maybe, but normally I do the classic move where I cut a hole in the bottom of the popcorn bucket and just slip my junk through it that way when she gets nervous she grabs a hold of that. Surprise!! You will feel like an idiot though bringing in your own popcorn bucket like oh no I already have a bucket I just want the popcorn please. What do you mean you already have your own bucket and what is with the duct tape on the bottom, don't worry about it kid just load it up with freaking butter would ya your killing my date right now. It's worth it though.
9. " Don’t screw up. Don’t screw up. Don’t screw up.” —Paul, 22, Brooklyn, N.Y. Your gonna screw it up Paul sorry to tell you. Don't worry there are tons more dates your going to screw up in your lifetime your still young.
10."Am I going to get lucky?” —Paddy, 27, Ireland You got to be kidding me with that name, no your not going to get lucky. Even though girls do love a douche with an accent so maybe if you really play the Irish part up and wear like all green and say top of the morning to you, stupid girls will eat that up but then you can never not be the Irish idiot so be careful with that.
That is all guys, I hope you take my advice because it is there to be used, not laughed at. I know what I am talking about which I think should go without saying but I just say it to remind you all that I am Dr. Love. I didn't give myself that name that would be stupid someone else gave it to me and it just stuck now everyone calls me that except my friends and family.
1. Gerald 29 "I tell myself, Don’t embarrass yourself and ask a lot of questions.” Questions are good, I am full of them like "do you mind if I stare at this other girls butt as she walks by." See what I did there was ask a question-engage her so that she is part of the conversation, and also be nice, polite about it, don't get mad if she says no just roll your eyes to make her feel bad. Plus you basically know at that point she is a prude and your not going to hit that night so you may want to leave now.
2.Dan 20 "Is she the type of girl who will think it’s cheesy/over-the-top if I open the car door, or will she think I’m a true gentleman?” She will think your cheesy I am sure-these girls always talk about being independent so I just sit in the car and wait for her to open it for me. Most of the time they don't but the good ones will If she doesn't wait a few seconds and then drive away while she thinks about what she has done wrong. Text her later and apologize and make up an excuse. She will want you back I am sure of it. Also never open the door to the place your going, allow her, let her feel like she is actually doing something on the date not just looking hot. Girls these days want to feel valued so let them. Let her order also for you. "I will take the steak" And for you sir? Stare at her until she orders for you. "He would like nuggets and ranch oh no nuggets, then tenders."
3. Michael, 25, Hoppington, Mass."What the hell is she doing with me?!” I have no idea Michael, probably just bored and didn't want to sit home alone. No way she is actually interested- I learned that the hard way.
4. Mark, 27, St. Louis, Mo. "Uh-oh, she’s a lactose-intolerant vegetarian. What am I going to feed this girl?” WTF Mark what do you really expect to get out of this girl. She is more trouble then she is worth unless she is really hot then you stick around but if she is just average run now.
5. “If things go well, when is the next time I should call her?” —Rob, 27, New York City. Don't call her Rob let her call you. She will if she liked you enough, if not she will have already kicked you to the curb and on to the next guy. Your probably thinking things went really well, she is quite the opposite, saying how do I turn this guy down nicely. I will wait a few days then tell him I have been thinking this over for the last few days and we are just better off as friends, good luck with that Rob. Your gonna get a call either way don't worry.
6.“I worry that I’ll make a joke about something, start laughing, and then she will not.” —Jim, 24, North Attleboro, Mass. All girls love a guy with a great sense of humor. Normally it is on the top of the list which is probably why I have had so much success. I am good with the zings so I never have had to worry about if the girl does not laugh, I only worry if she laughs to hard and embarrasses me with her loud laugh. Try having that problem Jim, being to funny that no girl wants to be with you because their stomachs hurt from laughing too hard that they are in pain by the end of the date and they actually have to say we can't do this anymore because you are too funny. Think about that Jim before you start complaining about not being funny at all. Walk a mile in my shoes if you can make it without killing yourself from laughing to hard.
7.“Before a first date, I am usually thinking about topics to keep the conversation going and reminding myself of manners.” —Chris, 22, Wayne, N.J. Yeah I always think it is a good idea to right them on your body. Just have topics all over like favorite color, how do you like the weather so far, if you were an animal what would you be? That sort of thing. I even write one on my junk in case I get lucky that way I have something to talk about while we are hitting it. Yeah so hold on oh yeah do you like that and also if you could have one superpower what would you have? What do you mean shut up I am ruining this, that is it I am out of here. Oh and one more thing hold on let me find it(looks at upper thigh)" What is your favorite rollar coaster?" Rebel Yell- backwards or forwards(winging it right now like a true pro) ok ok I'm leaving jeez.
8. “If I take her to a scary movie, will she grab onto my arm?” —Corey, 29, Salt Lake City, Utah Maybe, but normally I do the classic move where I cut a hole in the bottom of the popcorn bucket and just slip my junk through it that way when she gets nervous she grabs a hold of that. Surprise!! You will feel like an idiot though bringing in your own popcorn bucket like oh no I already have a bucket I just want the popcorn please. What do you mean you already have your own bucket and what is with the duct tape on the bottom, don't worry about it kid just load it up with freaking butter would ya your killing my date right now. It's worth it though.
9. " Don’t screw up. Don’t screw up. Don’t screw up.” —Paul, 22, Brooklyn, N.Y. Your gonna screw it up Paul sorry to tell you. Don't worry there are tons more dates your going to screw up in your lifetime your still young.
10."Am I going to get lucky?” —Paddy, 27, Ireland You got to be kidding me with that name, no your not going to get lucky. Even though girls do love a douche with an accent so maybe if you really play the Irish part up and wear like all green and say top of the morning to you, stupid girls will eat that up but then you can never not be the Irish idiot so be careful with that.
That is all guys, I hope you take my advice because it is there to be used, not laughed at. I know what I am talking about which I think should go without saying but I just say it to remind you all that I am Dr. Love. I didn't give myself that name that would be stupid someone else gave it to me and it just stuck now everyone calls me that except my friends and family.
New Direction
So I was thinking today... I should just leave it at that. But I won't because I know you all would not be able to sleep tonight. Did you see my facebook status. I just turned into a douche right before every one's eyes. As soon as I wrote about what I actually was doing that day I could feel I turned douche in my stomach, everything changed from that point on I was like Scott Howard( Michael J Fox) in teen wolf except he turned cooler once he became the wolf it was almost like backwards for me like I have been the wolf and then I turned into the normal loser. Now boof wants everything to do with me because I am a loser and the hot girl wants nothing to do with me. That's weird. What a chain of events I just set off in my life. I can't even dunk now. All because I insisted on right about picking up a turd which was a lie because I wanted to say dropped but didn't know how people would feel about it so I went with picked up actually I didn't I just said it because I mention that about picking up the turd the other day.
I was thinking today how good I am at giving dating advice and how freakin sweet my dating advice post are. So maybe from now on since I am trying to be more focused I will just be like Dr. Love on here and just give dating advice. I am full of it. You know its like I could just give helpless romantics waiting to be hooked up advice and not even date and I would be happy because I know those losers would be better off. They just need a push in the right direction. I just help get guys in the game that is all, give them a shot because that is all most of these guys need, I tell the guys and this is the lines I am famous for around dating circles, this is my money maker right here: "She's a nice person! She doesn't want to hurt your feelings! What else is she going to say? She doesn't even know you... yet. Luckily, the fact is that just like the rest of us, even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it, and that's where I come in. My job is to open her eyes. Basic Principles - no matter what, no matter when, no matter who... any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet; he just needs the right broom."
There it is I just laid it on you all for free. Confidence boost you know for the goof. I open her eyes for him. Let her see what the f she needs to see. So he gets a shot actually, which sounds crazy. Then the girl realizes what was I thinking with those other douchebags where has this loveable loser been all my life(surprise)!!! And then at the same time my love life is not existent and like I go on a date and become allergic to something and my face gets really fat, and then I also kick the love of my life in the face on a jet ski, and then she gets real mad at me because I am like a love doctor. She wants nothing to do with me and she is like I can't do this you need to back off because your Dr. Love. And I am like fine- the same time the fat guy I am helping is losing the love of his life and he is falling apart. His heart is breaking into like 5 pieces I think. He is like "You know what it's like getting up every morning? Feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man. But, at the same time hoping that she still finds happiness, even if it's never going to be with you." or something like that. So I decide to give the girl a call and she was hating but she realized that big loser was the one for her and I had nothing to do with it, just opened her eyes. Job well done right?
But then I still have the issue of my own junk going on so I realize I can't go on without her, I don't know what my life will be like, if it will turn out, but I have to take the chance so I find her and I say "That's what people do.They leap, and hope to God they can fly, because otherwise you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why in the *hell* did I jump? But here I am, (girls name right here), falling, and the only one that makes me feel like I can fly... is you." Yep Yep I know right and you want to know what happens then. She still said nope I can't do it I am with this douchebag and your a loser. Nice try buddy. So Dr. Love fails again but like I said I don't need that as long as I can make others happy. I know my purpose in life now is to just help these schlubs find true love. How can I fight what I was put here to do? I can't. I won't. I have to put my own happiness aside and fulfill my destiny which is why I am saying my posts for now will be dating advice. You will learn alot and it will be free because why should I charge something so great.
You know they should make a movie out of this.
So I will put a post up tonight I think it will be on 10 things he is thinking before his first date. Glamour article- I will break it down because they don't know anything, I do.
Dr. Love
I was thinking today how good I am at giving dating advice and how freakin sweet my dating advice post are. So maybe from now on since I am trying to be more focused I will just be like Dr. Love on here and just give dating advice. I am full of it. You know its like I could just give helpless romantics waiting to be hooked up advice and not even date and I would be happy because I know those losers would be better off. They just need a push in the right direction. I just help get guys in the game that is all, give them a shot because that is all most of these guys need, I tell the guys and this is the lines I am famous for around dating circles, this is my money maker right here: "She's a nice person! She doesn't want to hurt your feelings! What else is she going to say? She doesn't even know you... yet. Luckily, the fact is that just like the rest of us, even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it, and that's where I come in. My job is to open her eyes. Basic Principles - no matter what, no matter when, no matter who... any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet; he just needs the right broom."
There it is I just laid it on you all for free. Confidence boost you know for the goof. I open her eyes for him. Let her see what the f she needs to see. So he gets a shot actually, which sounds crazy. Then the girl realizes what was I thinking with those other douchebags where has this loveable loser been all my life(surprise)!!! And then at the same time my love life is not existent and like I go on a date and become allergic to something and my face gets really fat, and then I also kick the love of my life in the face on a jet ski, and then she gets real mad at me because I am like a love doctor. She wants nothing to do with me and she is like I can't do this you need to back off because your Dr. Love. And I am like fine- the same time the fat guy I am helping is losing the love of his life and he is falling apart. His heart is breaking into like 5 pieces I think. He is like "You know what it's like getting up every morning? Feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man. But, at the same time hoping that she still finds happiness, even if it's never going to be with you." or something like that. So I decide to give the girl a call and she was hating but she realized that big loser was the one for her and I had nothing to do with it, just opened her eyes. Job well done right?
But then I still have the issue of my own junk going on so I realize I can't go on without her, I don't know what my life will be like, if it will turn out, but I have to take the chance so I find her and I say "That's what people do.They leap, and hope to God they can fly, because otherwise you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why in the *hell* did I jump? But here I am, (girls name right here), falling, and the only one that makes me feel like I can fly... is you." Yep Yep I know right and you want to know what happens then. She still said nope I can't do it I am with this douchebag and your a loser. Nice try buddy. So Dr. Love fails again but like I said I don't need that as long as I can make others happy. I know my purpose in life now is to just help these schlubs find true love. How can I fight what I was put here to do? I can't. I won't. I have to put my own happiness aside and fulfill my destiny which is why I am saying my posts for now will be dating advice. You will learn alot and it will be free because why should I charge something so great.
You know they should make a movie out of this.
So I will put a post up tonight I think it will be on 10 things he is thinking before his first date. Glamour article- I will break it down because they don't know anything, I do.
Dr. Love
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
I know your waiting
I know you are waiting for me, on the edge of your seat- I actually had the balls to call the last post "I will get back at it tonight" and then I didn't. WTF right? Well I guess I should have said
"I will get back at it in the next few days. Don't wait up." I realize it does take so time to be so clever. Not just normal clever no no, above and beyond. Actually I lied, that's what makes me so sweet, it doesn't take me long if I am not put on the spot, or am not in front of a hot girl, or actually now that I think about it, it doesn't take me long in my head, it's just alot of my zings go unsaid, because I am saving them for that special one. I have a journal of lines that I plan on breaking out when I finally meet her. Basically the first few dates will be me just reading straight from the notebook and her sitting there laughing until her stomach hurts and then I pull a george cantstandya and leave the room on a high note. So actually just one date for me and her. Most likely not planning on talking to her again. It would all go down hill from there I think. I don't want to turn into that couple that when you see them eat, they are all bored looking. Which is almost every couple. Don't worry though if you are one of them, you are the norm. And if you think right now, oh I am not in one of them we have great conversations, well 1. You don't, I have sat behind you at a restaurant and your conversations suck, half way through I ended up putting my headphones in and 2. don't worry once again, because it those days of hardly any talking are coming. I mean take a look at the numbnut your with. You really think he can keep it up for years to come. Yeah ok. Well I will be there to tell you I told you so. Just holding my notebook with a zing to cheer you up. Actually I won't, oh I will be in the place where you finally realize while you are just scooting your spaghetti around, thinking of something to say, and it will hit you like, WTF am I doing with this guy? And right then you will hear a laugh like a really goofy laugh and then you will look up and you will see a piece of paper that says go to the bathroom. Then on the bathroom door it will say I told you so. Did I just steal that idea from your date. Because I am sure he could come up with that. Haha like he would want to.
Where the F was I, man I got to stay focused. So I wanted to discuss the 8 dating mistakes even smart women make. Of course I didn't come up with these because I would have called it 18 dating mistakes slutty girls make. Maybe I will write that later. But now here it is.
1. Being too available: We’re not suggesting you play games, but we are telling you to indulge your passions and resist the urge to abandon your social circle every time your new man sends an invitation.
I am suggesting you play games. Nothing like a guy just getting the run around. But if you don't like to play games then I say f it and just always run to the guy. Yes you will have to put out, but that is the price you will have to pay for true love. I mean who cares if you have to get banged out by a few gross guys and get your heartbroken 30 times to me Mr. Right. It is all worth it in the end. Once he goes to Jarred's you will never even thing about the guy with the hairy back again.
2. Dating Mistake #2: Trying to Rehabilitate a Bad Boy. Ending a relationship is rarely easy, and though flying solo might not be your long-term goal, being on your own is better than feeling alone in a relationship with someone who treats you poorly. Even when it might be tempting to give a toxic romance one more try, knowing when to cut your losses and move on leaves you available and baggage-free when the right guy comes along.
Wrong- he will come around. Trust me I once was one. I used to jaywalk in richmond daily, but I saw the light and that was on my own. Imagine if I had some hot girl pushing me to become better. She would have been like Chris, you have to stop the jaywalking, also I hate when you come to a rolling stop, and I am like WTF girl get off my back, I am a freakin bad boy. And she would be like well I am leaving, stop the car and I would be like what, no I will come to a rolling stop and then you have to jump out. And here is your bags. Wait did they mean actual bags when they said baggage. Either way he will come around, look at me now, I always stop. Stop short that is.
3. Dating Mistake #3: Looking for Perfection. Encouraging you to settle isn’t our style, but separating your desires from your deal-breakers can give your love life a major upgrade.
Again I never settle, I continue looking only for perfection, and look at me. Success story in the romance category so I don't know who you would rather listen to. You decide. Mr. Single which is my nickname or these idiots.
4. Dating Mistake #4: Feeling Sorry for Yourself. Resist the urge to bemoan your single status (which will only make him wonder why you find yourself such terrible company) and use this time to date yourself.
Yeah real good idea. who are you dating now- oh myself. Which obviously if there was a girl me who was really hot I would love to date her, but it would be magnetic and way to intense I am sure, arguing all the time, and also both of us carrying our notebook around of zings, plus we would both hate eye contact so we would be at the table looking down but cracking up and also our fridge would be filled with leftovers. It would be hard to keep track of whose chicken nuggets were whose.
5. Dating Mistake #5: Knowing His Thread-Count Before You Know His Phone Number
Getting it on with a sexy stranger is your natural-born right, but according to many guys, it can be the wrong move if you’re looking for long-term love.
Wrong-WTF are they talking about they must have asked loser guys then. Obviously I wasn't part of that poll.
6. Dating Mistake #6: Being Too Selfish in Your Relationship One of the downsides of being independent is that it can lead to some self-absorbed tendencies—a huge turnoff for men looking for a serious relationship, says Ming Gregory, a professional matchmaker at Color Blind International Dating Service.
Of course someone with a name like ming would say that. How about a huge turnon ming. Nothing gets me more pumped then when a girl is self absorbed and is like I need time alone to do all the things I want, or I can't do this it is to hard on me, me, me, ming. I love that girl ming.
7. Dating Mistake #7: Believing in The One
“A lot of women make dating more difficult by placing so much pressure on themselves to find the one-and-only-man-in-a-billion they believe is right for them,” says Ali, 35, from Gaithersburg, Maryland.
Man Ali- how is all the other billion working out for you. Are they what you envisioned. I hope so, because I am sure when you do fall in love with one of those you will ultimately think oh this is the one. You won't probably say, oh this guy ted yeah I love him, want to marry him but if he never asks there are billion others. I won't be upset, because there are plenty of guys out there that can make me laugh like this. Who cares if I let him get away. Tons of Teds right Ali. Wrong. Your annoying Ali.
8. Dating Mistake #8: Forgetting Your Manners
We can’t imagine this is something you’d ever do, but a little reminder never hurts: Say thank you.
What?
"I will get back at it in the next few days. Don't wait up." I realize it does take so time to be so clever. Not just normal clever no no, above and beyond. Actually I lied, that's what makes me so sweet, it doesn't take me long if I am not put on the spot, or am not in front of a hot girl, or actually now that I think about it, it doesn't take me long in my head, it's just alot of my zings go unsaid, because I am saving them for that special one. I have a journal of lines that I plan on breaking out when I finally meet her. Basically the first few dates will be me just reading straight from the notebook and her sitting there laughing until her stomach hurts and then I pull a george cantstandya and leave the room on a high note. So actually just one date for me and her. Most likely not planning on talking to her again. It would all go down hill from there I think. I don't want to turn into that couple that when you see them eat, they are all bored looking. Which is almost every couple. Don't worry though if you are one of them, you are the norm. And if you think right now, oh I am not in one of them we have great conversations, well 1. You don't, I have sat behind you at a restaurant and your conversations suck, half way through I ended up putting my headphones in and 2. don't worry once again, because it those days of hardly any talking are coming. I mean take a look at the numbnut your with. You really think he can keep it up for years to come. Yeah ok. Well I will be there to tell you I told you so. Just holding my notebook with a zing to cheer you up. Actually I won't, oh I will be in the place where you finally realize while you are just scooting your spaghetti around, thinking of something to say, and it will hit you like, WTF am I doing with this guy? And right then you will hear a laugh like a really goofy laugh and then you will look up and you will see a piece of paper that says go to the bathroom. Then on the bathroom door it will say I told you so. Did I just steal that idea from your date. Because I am sure he could come up with that. Haha like he would want to.
Where the F was I, man I got to stay focused. So I wanted to discuss the 8 dating mistakes even smart women make. Of course I didn't come up with these because I would have called it 18 dating mistakes slutty girls make. Maybe I will write that later. But now here it is.
1. Being too available: We’re not suggesting you play games, but we are telling you to indulge your passions and resist the urge to abandon your social circle every time your new man sends an invitation.
I am suggesting you play games. Nothing like a guy just getting the run around. But if you don't like to play games then I say f it and just always run to the guy. Yes you will have to put out, but that is the price you will have to pay for true love. I mean who cares if you have to get banged out by a few gross guys and get your heartbroken 30 times to me Mr. Right. It is all worth it in the end. Once he goes to Jarred's you will never even thing about the guy with the hairy back again.
2. Dating Mistake #2: Trying to Rehabilitate a Bad Boy. Ending a relationship is rarely easy, and though flying solo might not be your long-term goal, being on your own is better than feeling alone in a relationship with someone who treats you poorly. Even when it might be tempting to give a toxic romance one more try, knowing when to cut your losses and move on leaves you available and baggage-free when the right guy comes along.
Wrong- he will come around. Trust me I once was one. I used to jaywalk in richmond daily, but I saw the light and that was on my own. Imagine if I had some hot girl pushing me to become better. She would have been like Chris, you have to stop the jaywalking, also I hate when you come to a rolling stop, and I am like WTF girl get off my back, I am a freakin bad boy. And she would be like well I am leaving, stop the car and I would be like what, no I will come to a rolling stop and then you have to jump out. And here is your bags. Wait did they mean actual bags when they said baggage. Either way he will come around, look at me now, I always stop. Stop short that is.
3. Dating Mistake #3: Looking for Perfection. Encouraging you to settle isn’t our style, but separating your desires from your deal-breakers can give your love life a major upgrade.
Again I never settle, I continue looking only for perfection, and look at me. Success story in the romance category so I don't know who you would rather listen to. You decide. Mr. Single which is my nickname or these idiots.
4. Dating Mistake #4: Feeling Sorry for Yourself. Resist the urge to bemoan your single status (which will only make him wonder why you find yourself such terrible company) and use this time to date yourself.
Yeah real good idea. who are you dating now- oh myself. Which obviously if there was a girl me who was really hot I would love to date her, but it would be magnetic and way to intense I am sure, arguing all the time, and also both of us carrying our notebook around of zings, plus we would both hate eye contact so we would be at the table looking down but cracking up and also our fridge would be filled with leftovers. It would be hard to keep track of whose chicken nuggets were whose.
5. Dating Mistake #5: Knowing His Thread-Count Before You Know His Phone Number
Getting it on with a sexy stranger is your natural-born right, but according to many guys, it can be the wrong move if you’re looking for long-term love.
Wrong-WTF are they talking about they must have asked loser guys then. Obviously I wasn't part of that poll.
6. Dating Mistake #6: Being Too Selfish in Your Relationship One of the downsides of being independent is that it can lead to some self-absorbed tendencies—a huge turnoff for men looking for a serious relationship, says Ming Gregory, a professional matchmaker at Color Blind International Dating Service.
Of course someone with a name like ming would say that. How about a huge turnon ming. Nothing gets me more pumped then when a girl is self absorbed and is like I need time alone to do all the things I want, or I can't do this it is to hard on me, me, me, ming. I love that girl ming.
7. Dating Mistake #7: Believing in The One
“A lot of women make dating more difficult by placing so much pressure on themselves to find the one-and-only-man-in-a-billion they believe is right for them,” says Ali, 35, from Gaithersburg, Maryland.
Man Ali- how is all the other billion working out for you. Are they what you envisioned. I hope so, because I am sure when you do fall in love with one of those you will ultimately think oh this is the one. You won't probably say, oh this guy ted yeah I love him, want to marry him but if he never asks there are billion others. I won't be upset, because there are plenty of guys out there that can make me laugh like this. Who cares if I let him get away. Tons of Teds right Ali. Wrong. Your annoying Ali.
8. Dating Mistake #8: Forgetting Your Manners
We can’t imagine this is something you’d ever do, but a little reminder never hurts: Say thank you.
What?
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