Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I got you follow this:

So I set my guys up with all they need to get past the first date on one of my last post but then I don't tell them what to do next. What kind of Doctor of Love am I to just leave them hanging. So in this post I am going to hook them up and let them know what they need to do.

Let me set the scene for you because I know you like to picture this junk you pervs. You go back to her place, at her door your thinking should I give her a good night kiss, hands all sweaty like a loser, and she is like do you want to come inside-Surpriiiiiise. (Remember that surprise from the sweetest thing where the dude popped his junk out of the glory hole and hit Cameron Diaz in the eye. Well that is the surprise I am using so when you read it out loud make sure you say surpriiiise in like a higher pitched voice. It makes it sweeter trust me. If you have not seen that movie, well its got parts in it that are really funny but as a whole it's just alright. The few parts are worth it though.)

So you go inside, her house is clean, which is not that much of a surprise(that is a normal surprise right there so don't do the voice just say it normal) because you are with a real lady here. Then she puts on the tv- I know you want to watch the game but don't look at it, stay focused, or just get a spot where you can watch the tv but fake like your paying attention. So then let her make the first move, keep licking your lips though and grabbing at your junks, don't itch it but just maybe like pinch it a few times and even point to it everyonce in awhile to get her all excited let her know you want it. Just don't make it obvious, you don't want to come off as a perv who is just in it to hit it. Then after making out for like 5 mins of really sloppy kissing(extra sloppy please) she will say the classic line to you-let me go change into something more comfortable. You know what that means. I know your thinking wtf? do hot girls actually use that line- well if they are hot enough they will. So why she is getting changed, make sure you stretch and then get your mp3 player ready. So when she invites you back into the room, this is what you do.

Say nice robe, and then you put your mp3 player into her computer and play this:



This freaking song will get the slut really moving. If she is like I can't dance tell her to shut up and get to moving her junk. It doesn't matter if she is off beat, just the fact that she is shaking it is enough. I know you probably can't dance but I have figured out a way around that for all of you. I know you can't dance like me and that is fine. You will never be like me so don't try, she won't expect that from you, she obviously sets her bar low if she is letting you in so be confident in that. This is the move you do. Since you are wearing the warm up pants- make sure they are the kind that snaps off like a basketball player. I am sure it goes without saying that you have no underwear on all night, I hope you figured that part out already but if you didn't your an idiot and make sure you are free balling it please. Now that you know your not rocking undies, as she is shaking her jelly your gonna want to shake yours, so get up and rip those freaking pants off, make sure you keep your socks and tshirt on and just have your balls and junk barely showing and just let it flop around. Trust me she will be losing it after like six flops. I have surveyed a ton of girls, done a ton of research, tons of graphs to back it up and all of the ladies say there is not a better look for a guy then a dude that is just bottomless with a tshirt and socks on. Don't be afraid to let it flop around, the floppier the better but don't really let her see all of it, let her use some imagination jeez.

Look you know what to do at this point, just freaking close the deal. After she sees you bottomless it is basically in the bank for you at that point. I would continue to dance the song out and then play some r kelly but that is just me.
Make sure you do not cuddle and make sure you leave if you ever want to see this girl again. Also call her by the wrong name afterwards- don't let her have control.

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