So you all are not surprised. If you don't want me to ruin the outcome then you are stupid because you already know what the outcome was going to be. Anyway I figured since it's over I would hit this up before I go to bed. I know your thinking wtf? Two in one day but your wrong. It's already 12 so it's the next day numbnuts. But I did come up with my own list of 5 things that you might be doing to sabotage your relationship. See what I can get done with a bit of free time. I am like hitch, I can't date for myself but I sure can tell you what is working with yours, not only that I can even give you a list of what you may be doing wrong. And then actually name it 5 things you may be doing... such a clever title I know.
Wtf I just looked on yahoo and someone already had the exact same title and the same list as I spent all day doing. Now this day is a waste. Well why I am at it I may as well critique their list. Oh and I also went to borders and they didn't have the book I wanted WTF?
1. You’re frequently disappointed by your partner’s gifts or gestures.
I don't see anything wrong with this. I mean this is one of the five love languages (I know I sound like a love guru) they have to make an effort. The book says to write things down, they will give you hints, or just don't be an idiot and ask questions without it being that obvious. There is no reason that you should be a bad gift giver, that is just a lack of effort. Plus if worst comes to worst just put your junk in a box and say surprise. I would always make sure not to date them on a birthday anyway. That way I never have to deal with it, and then say man we should really try it again. She never has a clue. I don't even like to say happy birthday to anyone, no way I am going to give a gift unless I am giving a loves embrace. Basically I have bought a buttload of those just waiting to hand them out to the lucky ones. Can't go wrong with loves embrace. Did I read you the poem I came up with. For another time I guess. But if you are a bad gift giver she has all the right to kick you to the curb cause I would definitely kick the girl to the curb unless she had a big chest and then I would give her a second shot.
2. You focus on his faults.
Yes ladies I mean who cares if he pays you no attention, never really talks to you, is dirty, can be a jerk, acts like your the 5th or 6th thing on his list of priorities, who gives a care- remember your better off with him then being alone. You can't make it alone so just deal with it. And don't listen to when people say there are other men out there because there is another good saying that says all the good ones are taken. I tend to go with the second one. I mean once you are dating a single guy in their 30's there is probably a reason he is still single. See I am only 28 so I got a buttload of time to figure it out, and I mean buttload. But trust me, the day I hit 30 and am still single which is pretty much a lock, there will be plenty of reasons. Tops being that I used buttload twice in this paragraph alone. Grab the next guy you see, get on the internet and talk to as many guys as you can because your time is running out ladies. You don't have time to be reading this, shouldnt you be dating someone right now, I am sure he is a great guy that never says buttload. Oh there it is again. I have two years to cut that out.
3. You’re too available or have drastically changed your routine for him.
Yeah no one likes a too available slut. Or girl whatever you want to call em. Guys want the challenge right? Don't change for him at all, because he will not change for you. There is another saying "people don't change" did I just make that up because I have a book of sayings right here and I don't see it in there but I had to write something because I had already written "there is another saying" and I cannot backspace on this, one of my rules. Anyway werewais I, jeez see if I could only backspace that would have been where was I. I was telling you that people don't change, they don't like you enough really, they just want you to fall for the line I love you enough to change for you, I just made that line up also. You get my point though.
4. You’ve stopped getting glam for your dates…ever.
Eww no one wants to see you looking all gross. I know I don't, when I go out with a girl and am like excuse me I have to go to the bathroom and then I give them the number 2 signal with the fingers really I am going to throw up because of how not hot the girl is. And then I am in the mirror like Chris you to go out there and suck it up for 3 mins tops. Be polite, tell her she looks average and run. Don't look back. Leave the ugly girl with the check.
5. You discuss your relationship too much.
I like hearing on going commentary about the relationship, like you were really good at listening the other night as I went on and on about something stupid. Nowhere throughout the night did I catch you looking at other girls butts like you used to. I saw you wink at the girl but I then noticed you saw me catch you and then you pointed down to the orange as if to say it was a piece of pulp, like pulp can really shoot up into your eye. Either way all in all after I broke it down on the spreadsheet I give you an 8 out of 10, and I loved how you rated me a 6 out of 10 in looks that night, I love your honesty. Your are changing I can tell. Just like I knew you could.
Yeah right!
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