Me time

Ok so you can tell April has been a busy month, will it get any less busy in the next one- we shall see. Part of me hopes yeah because I like to have me time which I hate when people say that but also if I am busy that means I am probably making money so. As I am working I think of things to write but never get around to it. But for the last week I have been thinking of facebook status things and I will just be sitting their laughing, usually doing a little shimmy as I am listening to my mp3, and coming up with ridiculous thoughts. I have put a few of them on facebook so your probably wondering wtf is this guy talking about and I think that is a good thing. I want it to be where most of the people are like what is the deal with this guy, but then a very few people get it and find it funny. I don't really care for just status updates that are not at least interesting but what should I expect from those people right? I never wrote any status updates and now I have like 6 in one week. I wonder what it's like to not be able to come up with really interesting thoughts to entertain yourself. To just be always focused on reality, worried about things, job, kids, money. Yeah there is a time for that but still, I think that is part of the reason I just am always by myself, I just like my own thoughts so much and I don't find many people who compliment my thoughts and actually enhance them. Probably why if I find them I try so hard to hold them close until one day I say F it. It is rare for me, I don't think its so rare for others-unless I just don't enhance anyone else's thoughts- that they don't need my humor or my take in their life. I guess there is not much need for me talking about punching a girl in the stomach because my mouth is full, just to get my point across- I can't wait to finish chewing it had to be in the moment. It is weird to think about that like a connection with someone- not in a dating way just in general. I mean often times we meet someone and were like yeah they are cool but that is the end of it, but how many people do we meet from the hundreds we see everyday there are only a few that come into our lives and have a great impact that just click. I go back and forth on if "everything" happens for a reason because it is hard for me to believe God micromanages that much, I think he just lets us make our decisions and we have to trust in him that we are making the right one. I think I probably make the wrong ones often, most of the time I know it, perfection is a thing I don't even hit 10 min. into the day. I think people hope and pray they make the right decision but most of the time it's wrong but the lucky thing is we get to try again. I mean I have prayed for certain things hard, felt good about what I was going to do and it ended up the wrong decision but how do I know in the end I wasn't still listening to my own head. It's hard but he has made it easy on us because we can always know he will be there, we just have to keep pushing forward. I am not close to where I need to be mentally, I am letting things slip, I want all parts of my life going in the right direction but as I am busy with work its hard to juggle everything. Months ago I was not busy at all and someone I was cool with was saying they were just really busy, had alot going on and I was thinking in my head, what is the big deal. But I totally get it now, and even though I don't think I am expecting much ever, now I see how hard it is even to find time to play guitar for 30 mins or whatever it is. And the pressure can be overwhelming even if you don't mean to ever put that on them. I guess you constantly learn things and are forced to look back at mistakes and either say well that is just me or say, I have to change so that that doesn't happen again, have to change for the better. It cost me something mentally, it did change me, but you can take any situation and get a positive out of it and many times it is just looking at things from their point of view and the rest is on them to see my view. If they don't want to make a change then that is on them, between them and God and their soul. I am very critical of others but extremely critical of myself which I think is the only way to go but it is hard when something doesn't go right according to me and I can't do anything about it. There are some that are totally in tune with God and their own thoughts that as soon as things happen around them they feel the urgency, they challenge themselves, not for others to see, but so they can again be at peace with where they are at. But in my case I make so many dumb mistakes I am always looking uphill. I like the people though that are looking uphill with me.