8 types of douchebags

So the Doctor is back. I am taking this Dr. Love thing really far, like I was just sitting here thinking how can I work like a nurse and sitting down on the bed with the horrible paper they always have on there but I just could not come up with anything so just picture it. I am not like a therapy doctor where the person comes in and just lays on the couch, no for the girl think of me as your gynecologist. And for the dudes think of me as the small asian guy who told you to turn your head and cough. You know the one that seemed to be really enjoying grabbing your nuts even though he probably already grabbed like 20 nuts already that day. Something about your nuts really got him going-at least that is what I always felt. I never told anyone this but the first time I went he was like alright turn your head and cough, alright now put your nuts right on my forehead, and I was like wtf dude. And he was like dude(trying to sound cool, and this guy also had no shirt on under his jacket which should have been a red flag but I was young) this is purely a health thing, I do this with all the guys, and I was like what does nuts on the forehead prove and he was like well what I do is I balance them on there with your help and if we can balance them for 15 seconds no hands then you pass the nut balance test which proves that each nut is equal weight. It sounded smart so look no questions asked I just did it and I passed. I think each nut weighs the same which is good right? That is what I expect from you all, no questions just do as I say because I am the Dr. So ladies I want you as your reading this if you have like a pair of those sweet stirrups your gynecologist uses at your house, you can put your legs in just to get us in the mood and guys keep your pants on cause this is getting too gay already. So ladies where was I, oh I have to remain professional.



So 8 types of men the ladies should be boycotting right now:

1. Mr to busy to call. WTF? I just got done telling a girl how busy I was and now they are calling me out on it. No way. This writer says she has dated tons of busy men and they all had time to call, well guess what slut they were looking for booty and that is it. Real busy men like myself who is a doctor don't have time to chit chat. So how was your day today- you know what I don't give an F? That is what I used to say, and then the girl would get all mad and I was like look you have 3 mins to tell me whatever you want after that I am hanging up. Guys if you are busy make sure you give them the 3 mins and also be polite and give them like a 10 second countdown. 10-9-8, that way they really get out what they want to say at the end. I never say bye or love you either just a quick got to go to show them how busy I am. Always breath into the phone like real loud like you could be doing other things-this will show her you are really busy. If in person make sure you always look at your watch.

2. Mr. Glass Half empty- I agree with the women here this guy is a douchebag.

3. Mr. Selfish in bed- I tell the girl alright first one to get theirs wins, I love to compete and I always win. Sorry ladies that my junks doesn't turn you on enough but you see how busy I am, I mean you would think you would understand because I am typing spreadsheets and eating oatmeal and checking fantasy teams all while banging you out, you think I am going to sit there and worry about you. I would rather you take care of things also while we are going at it because your always about eye contact and you know how much I hate that. Plus I like to use your back as a table to set up my drink and computer so look if you want to watch oprah as were getting it that is cool. See how unselfish I am. I hope it is the episode she gives away stuff.

4. Mr. Bossy McBoss Pants- I wish them women would shut up. That is what I would tell her if I were dating her. Remember I always wear a wife beater just in case. And its tucked in to let her know how serious I am. Listen fellas this independent women needs one thing- a real good wife beating. Let her call me bossy mcboss pants and I will show her who is mcboss. Give her a good slap in the face when she says something. Always make it backhand. Make sure you hold the follow thru also as if to say don't mess with me or you will get another. Then all you ever have to do is raise the backhand like you might smack her with it and she will think twice. I like to say "I aughta" as I bring the hand up. Try it out see what works for you, make it your own but never let her be in control. Or say ohhhh wait till we get home I'm gonna wear that butt out, people will think you mean do her hard but really you mean smacking her in the face.

5. Too cool for boxed wine-Is boxed wine uncool. I don't drink but whatever. Here is what the author says “If a guy spends more time thinking about his clothes, his car and his aged corks than thinking how fun it would be to dance with you in the middle of the street in your pajamas at midnight, it’s probably time to expel him from your life.” Yeah big whoop I think about my cork all the time, I mean what guy doesnt, but to be penalized for that is stupid. Just because I play with my cork on occasion doesnt mean I am too cool for you, but why the f do I want to wear heart pjs and dance in the middle of the street, I would look like an idiot, in my pjs. Wait is that the point- oh your right then, I am too cool for that, I would rather play with my cork at midnight then dance with you, plus I would out dance you anyway. So go ahead and expel me if you have to but not until I serve you up at 12. Then I would say boom you just lost your glass slipper, and then I would be like who the f are those two mice talking and your like oh one of them is Jaq and the other is gus gus. And then your like gus gus sing for him. Cinderelly Cinderelly-WTF? Right?

6. Mr. Keeps you secret- how about Mr. doesn’t think your hot enough to bring you around. Ohhhhhh I just said that. Yep that is why your not brought around, because he is embarrassed. So realize you have to sweep him off his F’ing feet so he forgets how butt you are or you never got a shot at becoming anything other then just a girl he sees on the side.

7. Mr. Peter Pan- I love peter pan except one time at Disney world we were watching the parade and all the characters were coming by and pan comes by and that dude was horrible, not what I pictured pan like at all, so I threw the food like in hook where robin Williams couldn't see it but all the lost boys could, well I could see it, it was an invisible hot dog to most people but to a few of us who could see it, it was real, well I threw it at him and he ducked and then winked at me and I was like maybe that is him. But he looked awfully gay which I don’t know what I thought he would look like but not that. So I just yelled feminine pan at him. That got him I’m sure. So this lady is right- guys that don’t grow up are annoying mostly because they are not funny, if they are funny but immature I have no problem with it.

8. Mr. Just about to break up with someone else- well your probably the ugly girl who is a freak in the bed trying to do anything you can to keep him, so he says look I am going to break it off with this girl when really he is not going to at all. Yeah you should get away from this dude but you can’t your hooked in and he is smart because he says just enough to hold you on. I like this guy- he is in control. More props to you for keeping two girls at once and having one at your fingertips, if she wants to hang around let her. Just keep getting missionary with one and freaky with the other. Just remember erase the text and wipe the smell of booty off your face.

9. Me