Did I mention

Did I mention I love your Double D's. Not your face so much or the rest of your body but your double d's. Ohhhhhhh I said it. Where my double d's at? Sing it Three 6.

8 types of douchebags

So the Doctor is back. I am taking this Dr. Love thing really far, like I was just sitting here thinking how can I work like a nurse and sitting down on the bed with the horrible paper they always have on there but I just could not come up with anything so just picture it. I am not like a therapy doctor where the person comes in and just lays on the couch, no for the girl think of me as your gynecologist. And for the dudes think of me as the small asian guy who told you to turn your head and cough. You know the one that seemed to be really enjoying grabbing your nuts even though he probably already grabbed like 20 nuts already that day. Something about your nuts really got him going-at least that is what I always felt. I never told anyone this but the first time I went he was like alright turn your head and cough, alright now put your nuts right on my forehead, and I was like wtf dude. And he was like dude(trying to sound cool, and this guy also had no shirt on under his jacket which should have been a red flag but I was young) this is purely a health thing, I do this with all the guys, and I was like what does nuts on the forehead prove and he was like well what I do is I balance them on there with your help and if we can balance them for 15 seconds no hands then you pass the nut balance test which proves that each nut is equal weight. It sounded smart so look no questions asked I just did it and I passed. I think each nut weighs the same which is good right? That is what I expect from you all, no questions just do as I say because I am the Dr. So ladies I want you as your reading this if you have like a pair of those sweet stirrups your gynecologist uses at your house, you can put your legs in just to get us in the mood and guys keep your pants on cause this is getting too gay already. So ladies where was I, oh I have to remain professional.



So 8 types of men the ladies should be boycotting right now:

1. Mr to busy to call. WTF? I just got done telling a girl how busy I was and now they are calling me out on it. No way. This writer says she has dated tons of busy men and they all had time to call, well guess what slut they were looking for booty and that is it. Real busy men like myself who is a doctor don't have time to chit chat. So how was your day today- you know what I don't give an F? That is what I used to say, and then the girl would get all mad and I was like look you have 3 mins to tell me whatever you want after that I am hanging up. Guys if you are busy make sure you give them the 3 mins and also be polite and give them like a 10 second countdown. 10-9-8, that way they really get out what they want to say at the end. I never say bye or love you either just a quick got to go to show them how busy I am. Always breath into the phone like real loud like you could be doing other things-this will show her you are really busy. If in person make sure you always look at your watch.

2. Mr. Glass Half empty- I agree with the women here this guy is a douchebag.

3. Mr. Selfish in bed- I tell the girl alright first one to get theirs wins, I love to compete and I always win. Sorry ladies that my junks doesn't turn you on enough but you see how busy I am, I mean you would think you would understand because I am typing spreadsheets and eating oatmeal and checking fantasy teams all while banging you out, you think I am going to sit there and worry about you. I would rather you take care of things also while we are going at it because your always about eye contact and you know how much I hate that. Plus I like to use your back as a table to set up my drink and computer so look if you want to watch oprah as were getting it that is cool. See how unselfish I am. I hope it is the episode she gives away stuff.

4. Mr. Bossy McBoss Pants- I wish them women would shut up. That is what I would tell her if I were dating her. Remember I always wear a wife beater just in case. And its tucked in to let her know how serious I am. Listen fellas this independent women needs one thing- a real good wife beating. Let her call me bossy mcboss pants and I will show her who is mcboss. Give her a good slap in the face when she says something. Always make it backhand. Make sure you hold the follow thru also as if to say don't mess with me or you will get another. Then all you ever have to do is raise the backhand like you might smack her with it and she will think twice. I like to say "I aughta" as I bring the hand up. Try it out see what works for you, make it your own but never let her be in control. Or say ohhhh wait till we get home I'm gonna wear that butt out, people will think you mean do her hard but really you mean smacking her in the face.

5. Too cool for boxed wine-Is boxed wine uncool. I don't drink but whatever. Here is what the author says “If a guy spends more time thinking about his clothes, his car and his aged corks than thinking how fun it would be to dance with you in the middle of the street in your pajamas at midnight, it’s probably time to expel him from your life.” Yeah big whoop I think about my cork all the time, I mean what guy doesnt, but to be penalized for that is stupid. Just because I play with my cork on occasion doesnt mean I am too cool for you, but why the f do I want to wear heart pjs and dance in the middle of the street, I would look like an idiot, in my pjs. Wait is that the point- oh your right then, I am too cool for that, I would rather play with my cork at midnight then dance with you, plus I would out dance you anyway. So go ahead and expel me if you have to but not until I serve you up at 12. Then I would say boom you just lost your glass slipper, and then I would be like who the f are those two mice talking and your like oh one of them is Jaq and the other is gus gus. And then your like gus gus sing for him. Cinderelly Cinderelly-WTF? Right?

6. Mr. Keeps you secret- how about Mr. doesn’t think your hot enough to bring you around. Ohhhhhh I just said that. Yep that is why your not brought around, because he is embarrassed. So realize you have to sweep him off his F’ing feet so he forgets how butt you are or you never got a shot at becoming anything other then just a girl he sees on the side.

7. Mr. Peter Pan- I love peter pan except one time at Disney world we were watching the parade and all the characters were coming by and pan comes by and that dude was horrible, not what I pictured pan like at all, so I threw the food like in hook where robin Williams couldn't see it but all the lost boys could, well I could see it, it was an invisible hot dog to most people but to a few of us who could see it, it was real, well I threw it at him and he ducked and then winked at me and I was like maybe that is him. But he looked awfully gay which I don’t know what I thought he would look like but not that. So I just yelled feminine pan at him. That got him I’m sure. So this lady is right- guys that don’t grow up are annoying mostly because they are not funny, if they are funny but immature I have no problem with it.

8. Mr. Just about to break up with someone else- well your probably the ugly girl who is a freak in the bed trying to do anything you can to keep him, so he says look I am going to break it off with this girl when really he is not going to at all. Yeah you should get away from this dude but you can’t your hooked in and he is smart because he says just enough to hold you on. I like this guy- he is in control. More props to you for keeping two girls at once and having one at your fingertips, if she wants to hang around let her. Just keep getting missionary with one and freaky with the other. Just remember erase the text and wipe the smell of booty off your face.

9. Me

NOOOOOOOOO

Remember when the Patriots went undefeated during the regular season- smoking everyone, but then losing a heart breaker in the Superbowl with a huge upset victory by the Giants. Well ladies and gentleman that is what happened last night. The dynasty finally came to an end.

The Family lost in dodge ball!!!

We had won 5 straight championships and were undefeated going into the championship game last night. It was best out of five against the purple cobras who we beat everytime in the regular season of course. We killed them the first two games of last night and thought alright all we have to do is win 1 of the next 3. Well we couldn't, we played the prevent d on them figuring we would sneak one out rather then going at them like we normally do. Every game was close losing by one person each time, but we could not make a play here or there to pull just one game out. Bitter.

We are still the team to beat though, and my arm is killing me and has been for awhile. Next season we will get it back, but it was bound to happen and I actually like that team so it's good for them. I guess we have a new rival. The new season starts up soon so.

But on another note softball starts on friday for us, we aren't as dominate at that but we are really good and our guys are loaded this year, but like normal we don't play well in the playoffs so we shall see.

Last night was great for the field house because the best dynasty they ever had finally fell. The crowd was loving it though. I guess we can start a new one up.

Dream Dream Dream

I am feeling the Everly brothers song All I have to do. Check it out, it is old but that is what I like to drop on you all. You don't know about that old school junk. Well you don't know much about the newer stuff as far as I am concerned but we will start near the beginning and work our way up. A kind of music education.




So as I teased earlier, here is the rundown of the signs and their rankings with the other signs. The way it is written it just writes the two together one time so the last sign written is only going to have one sign written next to it. To find what the other ones are for that sign which I think is Pisces you have to check each sign. Get it? Of course not but you will see:

Aries
Aries+Aries=7.8
+Taurus=6.7
+Gemini=8.2
+Cancer=5.9
+Leo=8.1
+Virgo=5.2
+Libra=7.8
+Scorpio=7.8
+Sagittarius=6.3
+Capricorn=5.5
+Aquarius=5.7
+Pisces=2.8

Taurus
Taurus + Taurus=4.9
+Gemini=4.0
+Cancer=9.2
+Leo=7.9
+Virgo=9.0
+Libra=5.8
+Scorpio=8.8
+Sagittarius=4.4
+Capricorn=8.9
+Aquarius=3.9
+Pisces=8.5

Gemini
Gemini + Gemini=6.3
+Cancer=5.2
+Leo=7.9
+Virgo=4.5
+Libra=8.9
+Scorpio=9.0
+Sagittarius=5.5
+Capricorn=4.2
+Aquarius=7.8
+Pisces=3.5

Cancer
Cancer + Cancer=8.6
+Leo=7.3
+Virgo=7.8
+Libra=4.8
+Scorpio=9.4
+Sagittarius=5.5
+Capricorn=8.1
+Aquarius=3.7
+Pisces=8.1

Leo
Leo + Leo=8.8
+Virgo=7.8
+Libra=8.7
+Scorpio=7.2
+Sagittarius=8.2
+Capricorn=6.3
+Aquarius=4.2
+Pisces=8.1

Virgo
Virgo + Virgo=5.0
+Libra=3.9
+Scorpio=8.7
+Sagittarius=2.5
+Capricorn=9.2
+Aquarius=4.3
+Pisces=3.6

Libra
Libra + Libra=2.4
+Scorpio=3.7
+Sagittarius=7.8
+Capricorn=4.5
+Aquarius=8.3
+Pisces=6.1

Scorpio
Scorpio + Scorpio=5.8
+Sagittarius=4.5
+Capricorn=8.4
+Aquarius=3.5
+Pisces=9.1

Sagittarius + Sagittarius=4.6
+Capricorn=5.1
+Aquarius=9.4
+Pisces=4.8

Capricorn
Capricorn + Capricorn=6.9
+Aquarius=5.6
+Pisces=8.2

Aquarius
Aquarius + Aquarius=5.2
+Pisces=4.6

Pisces
Pisces + Pisces=3.2

Scoprio has a ton of high ones which is not a surprise at all because I am so sweet- no wonder I have so many girls always just trying to get them off of me. But it looks like even though I am compatitible with alot of other signs, the cancer is the highest for me so I shall wait. I hope you use this as the only guide to how you choose your mate, don't trust your gut because it will be wrong. Trust what this says and nothing else. Look back at how many times you trusted what you thought was right- now go back and think if you were right- I already know the answer- you were wrong. See WTF do you know. So listen to this guide and only get with who you are told to be with. And if your with someone that is low compatibility then dump then or divorce them or whatever right now because it is bound to happen.

Tease

Just wetting your appetite, I have already planned the blog I got tonight. It is about compatibility of the zodiacs. I will give each sign- I didn't make these up I read them in a book. So if you are an leo, then it will show you how good you are with every other sign. I don't know if other people believe in this stuff but my sign is very close to getting me right so I have to believe in that. So I have to play guitar and eat and watch some shows but don't worry I will hit you back up. Now you are like wait am I with the right person, how can you do this to me leaving me like this to wonder. It's like the tease at the 5 o'clock news- and we have something that your kids are eating at school that could kill your kids in under 1 min- tonight at 11. Boom tease- I learned that in college.

I got you follow this:

So I set my guys up with all they need to get past the first date on one of my last post but then I don't tell them what to do next. What kind of Doctor of Love am I to just leave them hanging. So in this post I am going to hook them up and let them know what they need to do.

Let me set the scene for you because I know you like to picture this junk you pervs. You go back to her place, at her door your thinking should I give her a good night kiss, hands all sweaty like a loser, and she is like do you want to come inside-Surpriiiiiise. (Remember that surprise from the sweetest thing where the dude popped his junk out of the glory hole and hit Cameron Diaz in the eye. Well that is the surprise I am using so when you read it out loud make sure you say surpriiiise in like a higher pitched voice. It makes it sweeter trust me. If you have not seen that movie, well its got parts in it that are really funny but as a whole it's just alright. The few parts are worth it though.)

So you go inside, her house is clean, which is not that much of a surprise(that is a normal surprise right there so don't do the voice just say it normal) because you are with a real lady here. Then she puts on the tv- I know you want to watch the game but don't look at it, stay focused, or just get a spot where you can watch the tv but fake like your paying attention. So then let her make the first move, keep licking your lips though and grabbing at your junks, don't itch it but just maybe like pinch it a few times and even point to it everyonce in awhile to get her all excited let her know you want it. Just don't make it obvious, you don't want to come off as a perv who is just in it to hit it. Then after making out for like 5 mins of really sloppy kissing(extra sloppy please) she will say the classic line to you-let me go change into something more comfortable. You know what that means. I know your thinking wtf? do hot girls actually use that line- well if they are hot enough they will. So why she is getting changed, make sure you stretch and then get your mp3 player ready. So when she invites you back into the room, this is what you do.

Say nice robe, and then you put your mp3 player into her computer and play this:



This freaking song will get the slut really moving. If she is like I can't dance tell her to shut up and get to moving her junk. It doesn't matter if she is off beat, just the fact that she is shaking it is enough. I know you probably can't dance but I have figured out a way around that for all of you. I know you can't dance like me and that is fine. You will never be like me so don't try, she won't expect that from you, she obviously sets her bar low if she is letting you in so be confident in that. This is the move you do. Since you are wearing the warm up pants- make sure they are the kind that snaps off like a basketball player. I am sure it goes without saying that you have no underwear on all night, I hope you figured that part out already but if you didn't your an idiot and make sure you are free balling it please. Now that you know your not rocking undies, as she is shaking her jelly your gonna want to shake yours, so get up and rip those freaking pants off, make sure you keep your socks and tshirt on and just have your balls and junk barely showing and just let it flop around. Trust me she will be losing it after like six flops. I have surveyed a ton of girls, done a ton of research, tons of graphs to back it up and all of the ladies say there is not a better look for a guy then a dude that is just bottomless with a tshirt and socks on. Don't be afraid to let it flop around, the floppier the better but don't really let her see all of it, let her use some imagination jeez.

Look you know what to do at this point, just freaking close the deal. After she sees you bottomless it is basically in the bank for you at that point. I would continue to dance the song out and then play some r kelly but that is just me.
Make sure you do not cuddle and make sure you leave if you ever want to see this girl again. Also call her by the wrong name afterwards- don't let her have control.

Elisha Cuthbert

Oh man I used to love this girl. After I saw this movie(sweet movie by the way, it is very underrated) The girl next door, all I was hoping was for a girl who looked like this:

Man she was sick in that movie. You don't ever see girls like this. Ever. Which is probably why I didn't find her. But of course, oh how things change and the hot girls go downhill like always because look at her now.

Not to say she is still not pretty hot ,but that is not the same girl as the one from the movie and the top picture. She looks like an everyday good looking girl. I am sure the one on top is a bit airbrushed but still they would have to go to town with the one on the bottom. I know you ladies are now thinking whatever your a jerk. Well sorry but this is what guys are thinking about. I just need to tell you. Of course I have higher expectations then that. But I have been told my expectations are way to high, well stop teasing me then and I won't expect much trust me. Jeez how much faith we put in hot girls and they always let us down with their eating habits and the slow metabolism. My girl is gonna be on a strict 1000 cal a day diet, that I will prepare for her. She will be ugly I am sure but she will have as good a body as she could possibly have. I will make sure she reaches her peak. Me on the other hand its not about the looks for the girls, its all about the zings. Sorry ladies no washboard abs here. It's not about that for me and it should not be about that for you. I hate superficial girls.