I like this song "I never told you" by Colbie Caillat. What's that mean?
You have probably heard this on the radio. I hear it all the time and I quickly roll up my windows before I get the "man this guy loves wiener" look from other drivers. But even with that I still can't turn it. If they do catch me listening to it I act like I was on a blue tooth and then put my finger to my ear and fake laugh and say alright you slut, make sure your ready for me in in hour and hey my lady, make sure your wearing that blue thong I love so much, alright my lady until we meet again( make sure they hear the lady part because it still could have been a dude I was talking about.) Then shake your head at the driver like I cant believe this junk is on the radio and then roll the windows up and fake turn it. I even throw in some fast dance moves to make it look real but that is some pro stuff their. I work hard just to throw the guy off my scent. Also I have hot girls on my mud flaps on my cougar if they have any questions about which team I play for. Of course they are mini mud flaps because they would drag if they were to long and then I would just look like an idiot. Anyway, don't be nervous just play the song but if your a guy make sure no one else is around.
Oh and to make my point, man do I love a girl in a pants suit especially if she has short hair. Wait I mean colbie caillat looks smoking in those boots at the beginning.
Until next time my lady.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Listen
Shut up and listen.
Knaan- wavin flag
Heard it on the world cup commercial. I am feelin it, I can't help but get up and break it down. Not nasty like you all know I can just more like hmm hold up oh I just did it to see if I could describe my dance. Lets say my fooling around dancing is way better then you will ever do. Get the point. Now play it back and do your little dance the best you can. Don't try to compare your dance to mine because it won't just feel the music you will be alright.
Knaan- wavin flag
Heard it on the world cup commercial. I am feelin it, I can't help but get up and break it down. Not nasty like you all know I can just more like hmm hold up oh I just did it to see if I could describe my dance. Lets say my fooling around dancing is way better then you will ever do. Get the point. Now play it back and do your little dance the best you can. Don't try to compare your dance to mine because it won't just feel the music you will be alright.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Yep
Ok so what has it been a month maybe more- let's just say I was busy then and move on. No that is not good enough I have to explain myself? No F that ok? You want to know what I have been doing- trying to get the green mark on my face left from my sisters glasses, from the metal wearing away. Yeah big whoop I wear girl glasses just like george cantstandya. The funny thing is they were like her middle school glasses. I wonder how many people who see me with them on say to themselves those look like girl glasses that dude has on.The problem is they don't even look that good on me of course but who cares. I only care about what you f 'ers look like. I am highly critical of others looks but not mine. I figure when I am ready I will pull myself back into tip top shape- can we say the same thing about you? Plus I am already in good shape it's only like cutting my hair and getting some mens glasses- quick fix. I do wear contacts and guess what- they are my sisters also. I am running out but I don't like to go to the eye doctors because I hate eye contact so I asked her to order me a pair so now I have to always make them last so I only use them for special occasions like sports and dates. And since I don't ever go on dates in the last 3 years(28 years) I still am on my first box. Talk about saving money right. I am smart as you can tell by my glasses.
So I don't know how you all went on with your lives without dr. loves advice. Oh you did- perfectly fine you might add. I figured that as clever as you are you would have no problems and I could walk away and you would be your same interesting self. And as I return I see you have not missed a beat and I also can see you are not that great of a decorator. I don't know if you should be embarrassed but I don't think anyone will tell you anyway. But maybe everyone has their own taste right? haha maybe everyone leaves your place saying hmmm I don't really like that. As long as you can live with that the same as I know people are saying wtf is up with that dudes girl glasses and long hair well then that is all that matters right. Once again I am being to judgemental.
Where was I? Right here but really where did I mean to be? I meant to be giving you advice on 10 Lies Women Tell Themselves About Men and Love.
1. The lie: Having sex will bring us closer
It says some author believes that spending quality time outside the bedroom is the best way to deepen a guy's interest. WTF? What does he think I want to do- actually talk to the girl. It says he has a phd. Well so do I and one of us is an idiot- you decide. Easy right- all I want to talk about is if my junks looks alright shaved or if my balls look weird. That should deepen my interest. Me not having to fake laugh will bring me closer.
2. The lie: All the good men are taken
Lets just say this: I'm not taken- so does that clear that lie up? Oh now you are really confused wait a minute I thought all good men were taken and then I see this freakin sweet guy with green on his face(you won't like me when I'm angry) not taken. I know- girls have thought about it and then they thought much better of it and actually they don't even meet up they just run, then I am just left there saying wtf was that all about all the while wiping my glasses off. So there is at least one good guy available-not really available just making a point because I'm better off alone.
3. The lie: He didn’t mean it
If he is talking about banging another girl on your bed and you catch him smelling her undies then he is probably not lying, he didn't mean it, both of you had the same crotchless panties and surprise he grabbed the wrong ones- you specifically wrote your initials in there and he didn't look. But he was at that moment thinking about you I promise.
4. The lie: Showing up at his house at 2 A.M. to talk about “where our relationship is going” isn’t crazy.
That is crazy- I would not answer the door and then I would slip a note under it with two boxes: check yes or no: did you return my princess and the frog dvd to netflix like you said you were going to? If she checks yes she can come in and I can fake listen, if not I go straight to bed and don't miss a beat. Night.
5.The lie: Couples in love spend all their time together
I hope so, if I am peeing, I want you in there with me, maybe even dabbing my junk so it doesn't get any on the toilet like you hate so much. You put the freaking seat up since you always yell about it. Now lets go down stairs. What are we going to eat- of course nuggets with ranch- together. On three we bite. Sit next to me on the couch. We are watching four weddings and a funeral. That is the perfect relationship in my mind. WTF can I not get that- where is my angel, my twin. I normally give the girl that option and then that is all she wrote- I say on text so do you want to sit on the same side of the booth when we go out to eat- oh your busy now for the next four months at least that is cool. Talk to you then.
6. The lie: He must have lost my number
Haha yeah right, if the person likes you enough they wouldn't. But keep telling yourself that. You know I actually sent someone a text last week, man did it fall flat. It was just like a normal question nothing else at all and haha no reply- do you realize how big of an idiot you feel like after that? It is just like WTF is happening I don't get it but it's not my spot to. All I can ever do is try to be the best I can be and learn from my mistakes. That was a mistake on my part I have to assume and that is disappointing to me because I feel that with the free choice that we are ,we choose the lives we live, things happen around us we can either go one way or actually a million different ways, I don't think things just happen for a reason and that is it, everything comes back to how we decide at each moment to live. And not being in control will drive the F out of me so it is alot better to shut myself and live in my own little world were I am in control. And I can be oh so clever and know, whatever I am thinking, it is way more original then anything you have ever come up with. Thanks lord for that. Thanks for not responding I guess. Wait this took a serious turn let me say this, your an idiot if you believe he actually lost the number.
8. The lie: I’ll be the one to change his mind about believing in marriage, having children, etc.
Well depends on how hot you are, if you are really hot then yeah I would say you have a shot, but if you are frumpy, probably not. You may want to bring another girl in the bedroom and don't get mad when he doesn't pay attention to you. Stop hating if you want to make this work I didn't say it would be easy. Don't get mad when he asks if you could get him a drink why he is tearing this other girl up, he is thirsty what do you expect, you want to change him right so go get him a Gatorade- the one that replaces the enzymes since he is about to bust his enzymes-hurry or you will miss it.
9. The lie: Sexy comes in only one shape and size.
This is no lie- sexy only looks like candice swaenpoel. Honest.
10. The lie: Love is more about giving than taking
Once again this is no lie, the way you pour the Gatorade down his mouth so he didn't have to take his hands off that girl, that is true love, and that will come back to you later in life in spades. I promise that. He will probably buy you red roses on valentines and get you a nice gift for your birthday and Christmas. I say your selfishness and jealousy could be the downfall of the relationship. Keep giving and when you think you have given enough, look in the mirror and say I am not that hot anymore, who else can I get, all the good guys are taken except this creepy girl glasses guy which yeah I could get him, but I want no part of that, I guess I will keep on giving and just hope one day he finally realizes wtf he has in me. Trust me he won't but nice thought right? I bet though he does like your feet. That is one thing the creepy guy in girl glasses does not do well with. Especially if the girl has the 6th toe going, you know the one, where it looks like the 6 toe trying to come out the side of the foot- ewwww. I just threw up.
So I don't know how you all went on with your lives without dr. loves advice. Oh you did- perfectly fine you might add. I figured that as clever as you are you would have no problems and I could walk away and you would be your same interesting self. And as I return I see you have not missed a beat and I also can see you are not that great of a decorator. I don't know if you should be embarrassed but I don't think anyone will tell you anyway. But maybe everyone has their own taste right? haha maybe everyone leaves your place saying hmmm I don't really like that. As long as you can live with that the same as I know people are saying wtf is up with that dudes girl glasses and long hair well then that is all that matters right. Once again I am being to judgemental.
Where was I? Right here but really where did I mean to be? I meant to be giving you advice on 10 Lies Women Tell Themselves About Men and Love.
1. The lie: Having sex will bring us closer
It says some author believes that spending quality time outside the bedroom is the best way to deepen a guy's interest. WTF? What does he think I want to do- actually talk to the girl. It says he has a phd. Well so do I and one of us is an idiot- you decide. Easy right- all I want to talk about is if my junks looks alright shaved or if my balls look weird. That should deepen my interest. Me not having to fake laugh will bring me closer.
2. The lie: All the good men are taken
Lets just say this: I'm not taken- so does that clear that lie up? Oh now you are really confused wait a minute I thought all good men were taken and then I see this freakin sweet guy with green on his face(you won't like me when I'm angry) not taken. I know- girls have thought about it and then they thought much better of it and actually they don't even meet up they just run, then I am just left there saying wtf was that all about all the while wiping my glasses off. So there is at least one good guy available-not really available just making a point because I'm better off alone.
3. The lie: He didn’t mean it
If he is talking about banging another girl on your bed and you catch him smelling her undies then he is probably not lying, he didn't mean it, both of you had the same crotchless panties and surprise he grabbed the wrong ones- you specifically wrote your initials in there and he didn't look. But he was at that moment thinking about you I promise.
4. The lie: Showing up at his house at 2 A.M. to talk about “where our relationship is going” isn’t crazy.
That is crazy- I would not answer the door and then I would slip a note under it with two boxes: check yes or no: did you return my princess and the frog dvd to netflix like you said you were going to? If she checks yes she can come in and I can fake listen, if not I go straight to bed and don't miss a beat. Night.
5.The lie: Couples in love spend all their time together
I hope so, if I am peeing, I want you in there with me, maybe even dabbing my junk so it doesn't get any on the toilet like you hate so much. You put the freaking seat up since you always yell about it. Now lets go down stairs. What are we going to eat- of course nuggets with ranch- together. On three we bite. Sit next to me on the couch. We are watching four weddings and a funeral. That is the perfect relationship in my mind. WTF can I not get that- where is my angel, my twin. I normally give the girl that option and then that is all she wrote- I say on text so do you want to sit on the same side of the booth when we go out to eat- oh your busy now for the next four months at least that is cool. Talk to you then.
6. The lie: He must have lost my number
Haha yeah right, if the person likes you enough they wouldn't. But keep telling yourself that. You know I actually sent someone a text last week, man did it fall flat. It was just like a normal question nothing else at all and haha no reply- do you realize how big of an idiot you feel like after that? It is just like WTF is happening I don't get it but it's not my spot to. All I can ever do is try to be the best I can be and learn from my mistakes. That was a mistake on my part I have to assume and that is disappointing to me because I feel that with the free choice that we are ,we choose the lives we live, things happen around us we can either go one way or actually a million different ways, I don't think things just happen for a reason and that is it, everything comes back to how we decide at each moment to live. And not being in control will drive the F out of me so it is alot better to shut myself and live in my own little world were I am in control. And I can be oh so clever and know, whatever I am thinking, it is way more original then anything you have ever come up with. Thanks lord for that. Thanks for not responding I guess. Wait this took a serious turn let me say this, your an idiot if you believe he actually lost the number.
8. The lie: I’ll be the one to change his mind about believing in marriage, having children, etc.
Well depends on how hot you are, if you are really hot then yeah I would say you have a shot, but if you are frumpy, probably not. You may want to bring another girl in the bedroom and don't get mad when he doesn't pay attention to you. Stop hating if you want to make this work I didn't say it would be easy. Don't get mad when he asks if you could get him a drink why he is tearing this other girl up, he is thirsty what do you expect, you want to change him right so go get him a Gatorade- the one that replaces the enzymes since he is about to bust his enzymes-hurry or you will miss it.
9. The lie: Sexy comes in only one shape and size.
This is no lie- sexy only looks like candice swaenpoel. Honest.
10. The lie: Love is more about giving than taking
Once again this is no lie, the way you pour the Gatorade down his mouth so he didn't have to take his hands off that girl, that is true love, and that will come back to you later in life in spades. I promise that. He will probably buy you red roses on valentines and get you a nice gift for your birthday and Christmas. I say your selfishness and jealousy could be the downfall of the relationship. Keep giving and when you think you have given enough, look in the mirror and say I am not that hot anymore, who else can I get, all the good guys are taken except this creepy girl glasses guy which yeah I could get him, but I want no part of that, I guess I will keep on giving and just hope one day he finally realizes wtf he has in me. Trust me he won't but nice thought right? I bet though he does like your feet. That is one thing the creepy guy in girl glasses does not do well with. Especially if the girl has the 6th toe going, you know the one, where it looks like the 6 toe trying to come out the side of the foot- ewwww. I just threw up.
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