Hocus Pocus

Saturday night, all kinds of Halloween parties and I am at home watching football and hocus pocus on ABC family. As you can see ABC family is really a go to for me. Plus is shows re-runs of old America's funniest videos which if you know me, you know how much I love an old person falling. I am not as much on the nut shots more on anything with an old person. I could watch that show for hours and always laugh. Did you know Hocus Pocus with Bette Midler and Sarah Jessica Parker came out in 1993? Shut up no you didn't. I hate when you act like you know everything.

I was planning on after work really slowed down which it is not slowing down like I hoped. I mean don't these customers know I need my Chris time. Don't they know I have other things I want to do. That I am not some loser without a life. Well they don't know, but soon enough I will get back to it. But I was planning on working out but my arm has been messed up for the last week. I am hoping it's not too bad just like a slight tear or strain. I tried to make a dumb sliding grab in the softball game last week trying to make the highlight reel and landed on my arm hard when it was extended out. People said it looked sweet but not only did I get hurt but I didn't even make the grab. It bounced and hit my glove so so much for that. I can move my arm it's just the strength is not there. Hopefully another week and it will be alright. So I will have to push the working out back a few weeks until its good to go. But, like I said before I was planning a diet so I will give you a day of my diet. I know your thinking it's gonna be peach tea or soda and chicken nuggets but it's better then that for you, even though that is what I would like to eat.

Meal 1
oatmeal
2 eggs (whole)
banana
cup of milk

Meal 2
tuna
slice of bread
olive oil (1 tbsp)
tomato

Meal 3
1 6oz chicken breast
1 cup white rice
salsa
1 tbsp ranch (sweet- you know I could not not eat this)

meal 4
8 oz ff yogurt

meal 5
1 scoop protein
banana

meal 6
2 scoop protein
2 white bread
peanut butter

meal 7
dinner- I may cheat here sometimes but try to get chicken breast and vegatables

meal 8
8 oz yogurt
1/2 cup almond
tomato

There it is. Not the most appetizing diet and I am sure I will cheat a little bit which is fine because I am already in pretty good shape but if I stick pretty close with it, I will be in way better shape because I am not happy with where I am at right now. I will make more meal plans that way I don't get sick of it and I will eat out from time to time because my family loves to eat out so. This won't start for a few weeks until I know I have the time I can time really stick to it.

I told you I would update you on writing that girl on Facebook. Well thanks for being a good friend and allowing me to. She ignored me again. Haha no she didn't because I wasn't dumb enough to say anything. And you all would have just let me say something to her. Thanks! I was coming up with something about a mustache and Halloween which last she would have cracked up at a year ago but I doubt it now. Sure I would love to talk to her, I miss talking to her. Everyone has people that they just connect with and talk really well with and that was what it was like for me. I don't think it was the same with her or else she has a weird way of showing it. That is all it was. Fine she has a boyfriend- she doesn't want to talk and she has made that obvious so why the F should I continue to make a fool of myself trying. It is not going to help anything, and it will only get on her nerves in the end. I hope one day she gets beyond all of what she is going through and we can talk because it is all on her, and not just say hey how are you doing blah blah blah because that is not how we talked, not even from the beginning it was way more interesting then that I even told her she looked good in a picture ( you couldn't make her face out-zing, it was actually Halloween because I think I called it creepy pumpkin picture- or I thought it haha.) She actually could keep up with me as far as zings go. Don't get me wrong I wiped the floor with her but she tried haha. I guess coming on here and saying I was gonna write something gave me time to think about it and realize the mistake I was going to make. I guess every time I am about to do something I should write it on here and then a day later realize it's a dumb idea. Alright well I have to go watch hocus pocus. Maybe I will be inspired to write more tonight since I took the last few days off.

My bad- my message

You were probably thinking after my last post - hey Chris- you idiot you didn't load the video so now we don't get the jokes you just zinged at us. Well you would be right because I messed that whole post up. It was funny in my head and then I forgot to put the video up and man once again I mess everything up. Anyway I did post the video and now you can go back and see it in all it's glory the way I meant for you to see it.

Now that I ruined that I think I may ruin some other things. I love to out of the blue write people. I find it funny that they hardly ever respond. Every once in awhile they will respond but generally they disappoint. They can't help it I guess- they just don't have it in them to be interesting in one letter. Nor do they get where I am coming from. I think it is too out there for them. What is he talking about he hates when straws get a small cut right at the top of them and then drinking out of them is a pain? I just made that up I never have said that but really I do hate it. Anyway there once was this girl who blew me away with how well she responded. It continued on and on until-one day- stop. Well she left me with the words "I hope we are still decent." Or something like that. I don't get that now because I have no problems with her so decent seems to mean more like silence now. I continue to write in hopes that decent will one day mean we can actually have a conversation. I guess if you are dating someone you can't talk with someone else. Ok. Well I am planning on writing her something on facebook tomorrow. Just something small, a little interesting, a little me I guess. I got her bitter a bit ago and rightfully so for one message I left, so I think I learned my lesson even though it was taken out of context I think and it was me just trying to be funny to her but I totally get where she was coming from because it was inappropriate. She hasn't responded since then.

This is how it will go:

I will write her a very very average- probably below average "write something."
She will see it a week later when she checks her facebook or whenever she checks it- how the F would I know.
She will then say to herself- why the F does this kid keep writing me. First off I told him I was with someone, second off, doesn't he get the point, I don't want to talk to him at all.
She will then ignore what I wrote and then we are back right here in the same place of getting ignored.

His jokes are way better. I guess.

Wish me luck with the post on fb. I will keep you updated on the ignoring. I will play if off for awhile like oh she hasn't been on or oh she just hasn't gotten around to writing me. She is really busy. Then after a month I will say man I don't think she is gonna write. Haha. Even if her boyfriend writes me like listen creepy guy stop writing her, and also check out our pictures of us making out for a top ten kiss at the beach and then you will realize why she is with me. That would be sweet then I would be like this dude is way sweeter than I can ever be no wonder she suddenly stopped talking to me. Hopefully he is like Pat Healy on Something about Mary because she was a big fan. I could never hate on chompers like that.

You hired me to find your girl and I did, and the truth is I started to like her:

Best Kisses

As I was putting up my post for the David Gray videos I noticed the video for best kisses ever. How was I gonna pass that video by (then I went on to notice there was like 50 more at least which I did watch all of them.) So I decided to get my old pen and notebook out and take notes. What was I missing? How could I make my kiss a top ten worthy kiss?

What I was missing
1. A girl
2. Rain (not all but alot of them)
3. Confidence
4. Slow movements
5. David Gray's This years love

Those five things seem to be crucial to making a top ten kiss.

It seems like there is a few ways I could make this happen.

1. Me and the girl look deeply in each others eyes and we just realize we have to kiss right now because this is the perfect moment I mean it is raining on us and we just realized how in love we are and we get all serious and boom our lips just touch.

2. One of us is so madly in love with the person and the other person likes us but is on the fence. It is up to me to make a move so I just get some balls take a few deep breaths and go for it. The people around me are stunned if there are any. I can't tell if we spin or if that is the camera but I am all for spinning.

3. I just grab her head and pull her to me like get over here were kissing and making a top ten moment now shut up and kiss me.

4. We just rub our faces together for awhile until we finally get it over with and kiss.

5. I pick you up and lay you on the bed all slow. I assume your bigger then me so this could be tough so the laying on the bed could be more like a drop but we can play that off. Then again we go back to slow movements and I go at your neck like a vampire for a second but decide not to bite you but kiss you. I am sore the next day from picking you up.

6. I wear a mask and hang upside down I'm like pssst over here and you decide to take my mask off but only to my nose and we do like a real awkward upside down kiss.

So there you have it, or there I have it- now if I can just work on my list of what I need I should be there in no time. Isn't it supposed to rain today. Also with the Halloween stores open I can get a mask. Keep your eye open for me popping upside down today waiting for you. Also I will have the cd player on the ground if you could press play for me since I will be hanging I won't be able to reach it. We can try the other kisses later.

Did I copy this?

So awhile ago I was talking with this girl and we were at her car and she was like I am with this other guy I have to go and I was like what- your bored slut! You would not think about me if you weren't and you know it. And she called me a few names and I was like you need to just stay with me cause I am not bored. And she was like why would I stay with you, we are already fighting. Then I was like oh that is what we do. Your a pain in the butt(yeah that is what I said) and she was like so what. So then I was like coming up with all these crazy lines like this won't be easy, this will be hard, and we will have to work at it everyday but I want you, I want all of you forever, you and me everyday.(Where the F did I come up with these lines?) Also I was coming up with crazy hand movements and she was like doing this annoying whimper. So I was like can you do something for me? First stop fake crying cause that is annoying and then picture your life 20 years from now. ( I kept it at 20, I don't care about 30 years from now.) (Again she was shaking her head all annoying) What does your life look like? Is it with that guy? Am I in the picture in the background all creepy or am in with you with my arm around you, are we at the movies or on a picnic, how do I look, how do you look are you still hot or did you gain a lot of weight? Then I was like are you with him if so Go, Go( pointing towards the road for her to leave but like pointing forward then left then right so she knew how to get out- so nice I know) I lost you once and I think I could lose you again if I thought that's what you wanted. She was like you never had me to lose me, I was like not now during my speech. Don't take the easy way out. She was like there is no easy way someone will get hurt either way. I was like shut up and stop worrying about what others want. What do you want? ( This was my moment to win her back so I was really getting into it, my one hand over my heart to show how I feel and that if I let it go it would break so I was basically holding it together with my hand while the other hand was going up and down to show her how important this was to me. Then I put my fingers together like an Italian who loves meatballs.) WHAT DO YOU WANT? ( I knew for sure I had her right then) (Moment of Silence- wait for it) She says- I have to leave. (My heart just broke so I quickly put my hands over it then I just walk away into the woods to gather myself and she drives away and I haven't heard from her since then. I guess my speech didn't work. The other guy won.

But then I realize the other day while watching the notebook on ABC family by myself that there is a scene that is almost exactly like what happened to me a year or so ago. I never watched the movie but one time it was playing at best buy and maybe as I was checking out the tv's I heard this scene playing and it all just got into my brain. There is no way I would have knowingly copied the movie but now I feel like an idiot. I know she was like man this dude is stealing lines straight from a movie no way I am picking this guy and who could blame her. I mean I was thinking this was the best speech I ever made how is she not with me and the whole time I was just copying it. No way the other guy she is with does that. So I have to say she probably made the right choice because I am sure that although his speeches are lame they are at least his own original speeches. I am so embarrassed.

Here is the clip. Also I went ahead and put Indonesian subtitles on it. Untuk apa you ask. Well, just in case anyone wanted to translate it over to Indonesian- always thinking ahead. For you all of course.

This years love and the girl next door

Two things I love: the girl next door- the movie- (come on now) and this years love by David Gray. I thought at least let me pamper myself today and put up things I love on.

Here is the clip from the movie with the song in it. I would say a breathtaking moment but that is just me, you all know how much of a romantic I am. I would mess that up in real life like spill her drink on her or say something dumb and ruin it like I do. Then be all mad at myself like I had the perfect moment and I had to go and mess it up. Then she will be like look I can't see you, I had the perfect moment set up for you and you couldn't pull it off, I need to find someone who can sorry-don't talk to me, loser. And yes I carry a radio with this song on it all the time just hoping for this moment.



Here is David Gray doing the live version of this year's love

I now have to get married at some point just to do the first dance to this song. Why? Because that is what I picture. I am not going to be one of those husbands who just sits back and lets her pick everything- as you can tell I am pretty interested in things going on around me. I mean a lot of the stuff I don't care about- like how she looks or if she is happy, but things like flowers and music- the important stuff that is what I will be about. But this song will be played. If she says no then wedding is off and she will have to tell everyone because I will be out looking for another bride.

Where we stand in our relationship

Why the F did I not tell you that I am watching supernatural. I mean if we are going to have this kind of give and take- well hold up, I give and you say nothing back to me, and I give more and you just read and say nothing back to me as if you are ignoring it. So if we are going to have this kind of relationship where I sit here and right serious things and you read it, then I should tell you I am going to watch supernatural tonight. See I am trying to get more intimate, and also I always tell people to watch supernatural because the show is really good but no one ever takes my advice. So there, you are now on the inside of part of my life. I was also thinking of showing you a vase I bought from crate and barrel but maybe I should not get to ahead of myself. I mean come on you don't even talk to me so why should I let you into something like my taste in vases. That may be way to personal. Of course the vase is sweet because unlike my looks, I actually care what the interior of my house looks like. If only you all did the same. But look at me I am a real mess so you could come back at me with that. Or with silence either one. We will see. Off to supernatural.

The light of the night fell on me!

Being cocky and funny early to the ladies

On askmen.com they have a guy on there who answers readers questions about all different sorts of things with dating and love and all that. Now he is no Dr. Love lets be honest, but I doubt you would expect him to be that good but I wanted to see what he had to offer. So I went to the one that is labeled when to act cocky and funny and more. I know your thinking Chris you can't help that you are already funny, you can't not be can you. Well let me tell you now- I can. I have other sides- serious Chris. Philosophical Chris. Charming Chris. Mad Chris. Creepy Chris. Annoying Chris. You get the point- I am like an onion as they say. You guys are just on my first layer- the funny layer. Everything under that gets less and less interesting so you get the good layer. I'll say.

This guy asks when is it too early to use funny and cocky to impress a girl. David DeAngelo- the writer giving advice and the author of the book "Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women."

Well David I would first like to ask you what is the double of zero. Yeah thanks for nothing then. Man if I wasn't busy I would totally read that book. When he says every man he means every man and that includes me and we all know I don't know how to be successful so what am I waiting for. I am waiting for winter so I can lay by the fire and read with some hot chocolate and those mini marshmallows I love so much. I can assume that is what he pictured when he wrote the book.

Anyway back to his advice. " It is never to early to bust out cocky and funny." Good because yesterday I told a girl "you would love to get a piece of me right now" then I followed it up with a "zing"(pointing the finger guns at her like I got her.) Let me tell you David it was too early- she hated the move.

He says most men waste time on traditional "nice guy" things like buying gifts, giving women compliments and calling them all the time. All of these usually have the opposite of the desired effect. They drive women away.

David I don't call I text like crazy so do I fall into this category? "Yes that is creepy Chris stop it"

David goes on to say "Even more importantly, women feel the first spark of attraction for a very different set of reasons than men do. Whereas men focus more on looks, women focus more on "intangible" qualities like a guy's personality, self-esteem and confidence. Above all, women love men who can make them laugh. That's why, when a man is Cocky & Funny, he triggers a primal response inside of women that instantly creates attraction."

I can tell you first hand women love a man who makes them laugh- I am a living testament to that. What guy would not want to pull trim the way I do. And you want to know why- because I make them laugh.Hard! That easy. Every joke I use- I have been using for years. Nothing is original and look where it has gotten me with the ladies- they can't keep their hands off me thanks David. See what I do is just pull the trigger on the primal response inside women. Instantly they are attracted. Ask any women what they wish there man had- they would say he is a nice guy but man he is not funny. Now Chris he is funny, why did I ever choose this loser over him. See what David is trying to say- all you have to be is so funny they can't get enough of you, that is why I had to stay home on Saturday night, not because I am a loser who has to watch football alone- no way no its because I had too much butt in my face that I could not breath anymore. I literally mean butt in the face like I am at the bar sitting trying to talk saying jokes having everyone crack up and then boom four butts in my face like ladies what am I supposed to do with this. I just had to have a night off from that. I needed fresh buttless air.

So David says be arrogant but make it funny and you will have the ladies. And Never Get Stuck In the Friend Zone.  Look David I am already arrogant and funny and I don't get stuck in the friend zone because lets face it you would actually have to talk to them to be friends. Who knew I was doing all David preaches. I should have written the book before him.

Chris Scarce author of "Having so many butts in your face you can't breath and you have to start carrying an oxygen tank around with you and even then you still get butts in your face."

Maybe I will still write that book, it will basically just be a biography so it should be easy.

Yoga! Boom!

I know your wondering what such a cool guy like myself is doing on the computer on a Saturday night, not out with the ladies partying it up. Yeah I live such a wild life and I always kill it on the weekends, actually during the week as well so it should be surprising to you but I just needed a break. I just had to tell all the people expecting me out that I would have to sit this one out. They were heart broken. So tonight I will just be watching the Miami game that is at the half right now. Looking for new music, doing my basketball fantasy breakdown that I do in order to get my back to back championship, catch up on shows I don't have time to watch because I am so busy partying, and updating this blog if I think of anything sweet or just whatever I guess. Who am I kidding, everything I think of is sweet. Well most of it until I turn all douchebag and then you don't want anything to do with me.

I have done yoga before and it was actually pretty hard. Much harder then I thought it would but it was nothing like this.

Couples Retreat yoga:


Boom! Boom! Nothing like a wink at the end. Love it. Boom!

My bad

I am an idiot as you all may know by now but for some reason I put Richmond Community Center wtf? Like you guys actually went to check out the podcast- well if you did I don't know if you noticed that it was not what I was meaning to talk about. It was actually Richmond Community Church. So the podcast are on there- I guess if you want you can check out Richmond Community Center if the site exist and let me know how it is, if its worth checking out because I am obviously a numbnut if you didn't pick that up by now. I don't even know what Richmond Community Center is but I assume its going well for them and they may even have sweet podcasts. I am talking as if people actually went to check it out and I know you didn't but anyway my fault. I stand corrected.

Mine is

You all should know by now that I like to listen to sermons on podcasts while I am working among other things. Today I was listening to the junkies and the other day I was listening to a Yale lecture on philosophy. It is sweet you can get lectures from different schools on itunes and also learn out loud which I was listening to the 5 love languages guy Gary Chapman- his podcast all of last week. I recommended it to someone but they didn't respond to me but they and you all should check it out. I have a lot of time to listen to these podcast so I am always trying new things to see what is good and what I just don't need to download anymore. So I saw this one girl's likes on facebook was Richmond Community Center so I decided to check it out because that is how I am I am curious. So I went to the webpage and they had podcast. So I downloaded a few of them and listened to them over this week. They had one on tell the truth, make the honor roll, crave contentment  and a lot more. I thought it was pretty good. It is very easy to listen to and relate to which is good. As I was listening I can definitely place myself into what he is talking about and figure out what I need to work on in my life. It is positive and you want to change after you hear them so overall it is a good message. The only thing I would like is a bit more theology. I know that is not for everyone but I like a lot of theology in my sermons to really push me learning wise and and humble me. I like both of these approaches though and even though I like the deeper stuff that is kind of dry I don't want to just here that only. So the other sermon like the Richmond church offers is also a good. I guess it depends on the mood for me. I think I will continue listening though but they don't put them out as fast as I could listen so I have to just hit like one or two a week. I was looking for one on bitter because the girl said last year that her church sermon was on being bitter and I always use the word and she liked the message, but I don't even know if it is the same church that she was talking about. I don't talk to her anymore and surprise it is because she won't talk to me- like anyone out there reading this is shocked haha.

So in all the time that I have to think during work I was doing some deep thinking in between podcast listens and I was like hmmmm I wonder what it is that makes girls not attracted to me. I didn't want to take this from an emotional level just a philosophical level- trying to evaluate myself which is hard to do- to take a look from the outside. Now I know a few things about me that are not good to start off with-

1. I never really meet new people
2. I am not overly welcoming when I do meet new people
3. I am at this time not much of a catch looks wise with the beard and the hair and just the overall mess of a man haha
4. When I do get to actually talk to a girl who finds me somewhat interesting I am way too much and wear my insecurities and securities on my sleeve
5. I open my mouth before I speak a lot of times and just say dumb things
6. I get obsessed with things very easily or go the other way and don't care about it at all

Alright so we all know there is many more of those but that is just for starters because I do find that there are some good things as well just they don't get seen as much. So I was thinking about the list I put up a week ago or so wondering hmmmm( once again a long hmmmmm to really let you know I was thinking right Auguste Rodin-get it?) where do I stand on each thing on the list so I will start from the top and see how I am with the first two and work on those unless I don't need to which is very likely the case in which I will move onto the next one. This list won't take long to fly through I imagine.

1. Kindness
I actually thought- yeah I am pretty kind not overly kind but kind. Then I started looking online for over an hour and realized- I am not really all that kind. I am average at best. I don't go out of my way to help people- not to say I don't give money to homeless and hold doors open and be nice to people on a regular basis but nothing that asks to much of me. So the first one on the list and I fail and I actually wonder what the deal is. Haha man well it looks like I need to work on number one. I am seeing a ton of ideas online that I like- giving anonymous money to people for food, volunteering, just pushing myself to be kinder. I am so involved in my own little world that I don't see what is going on around me and that is a shame. I call myself a Christian yet Jesus would not be proud of how little effort I have put in to being kind to others.

Kindness-Fail
I will work on it and keep you updated.

2. Honesty- I pride myself here- I am honest and I know that haha obviously if I am saying it to you it means I am. So I think I pass this one with flying colors. I may actually be too honest sometimes and could learn to hold back a little.

Can't compete

HAHAHAHAHAHA

I like that. You don't know what I am laughing at which means I am probably laughing at you. You know when you can feel people laughing and you are wondering, hmmm are they laughing at me? Guess what- I am laughing at you, well let's just say I am laughing because I think you're funny. Hey take it as a compliment I don't find many people funny. But you make me laugh and that is a really good thing in my book. Thanks.

Why must these ladies try and compete with Candice Swanepoel? It only leads to failure. Haha oh they didn't realize they were competing. Well they are. In my mind at least and that is all that matters in my head. That and that I am starting a new diet in a few weeks and won't be able to kill much ranch or nuggets- noooooooooooooo!

Mannish Boy

I have been on fire lately with this blog. I know you all love that. And thanks for reading this and thanks for the feedback. No really thanks for not saying a word, I appreciate that because that is why I write. I started to keep all the good stuff in a notebook so now you get the leftovers. All the stuff that makes me laugh out loud or should I say lol, goes into the notebook and then you get the other stuff I think about.

I know you have all seen these H&M commercials with the hot girl. Well I am going to post two of them cause the commercial is sweet. The song is mannish boy by muddy waters it's a blues song everyone should know. I think I like the black coat one better:





Man I love how she comes in on the right side right on the beat, that part is sweet. She is hot in this video, I saw a few pictures of this girl and she is way hotter in the video. Also I don't like the jacket that much.

Real song:


I'm a MAN!

Phone

I just checked my phone and wanted to update you on how infrequently I talk on my phone. I have had my phone for over a year and a half now and I just looked on the total dialed mins that I have used. Drum roll please: 4 hours and 44 mins total in a year and a half. So there you have it basically I am always on the phone.

Also I like your chubby arms kinda they are sweet like I could just grab them and pinch em.

Never Again

Remember this song? I used to listen to it as I would cry myself to sleep. Wait hold on that would have to mean I had to have been in a relationship which I actually would have cried over haha yeah ok. And not only that I would have had to have my heart broken. What I would do is I would lay in bed and picture myself crying about getting my heart broken then I would get all mad cause I looked like a pansy in my dream and I would go over to the mirror and I would be like look at yourself, almost like I am watching myself like scrooge and don't like what I see, am I am like who is the girl that I am crying over, and the ghost of girlfriend present shows me her picture and I am like what the F? I can't believe I am crying over her in my dream, and the hot girl ghost is like yeah that is what we all thought when we saw you crying, we were like man Chris really has to get himself together she is not even good looking, but she did laugh at most of your jokes and she also was the only girl to take a chance and you were like well beggers can't be choosers. Then the ghost was like look at the road that led you down. Now your just a whiny loser that got dumped be an ugly girl and your actually crying over her.

See why I don't date. I am just waiting on this ugly girl to come around and sweep me off my feet. Anyway the song:

Justin Timberlake off the Justified album- Never Again- it is a sweet song though, don't know about the video but whatever.

I love this shirt

Now that it is getting cooler, I thought, well we are now starting to wear long sleeve shirts. I thought let me put out a cool picture of someone wearing a long sleeve shirt so you get the idea that it is getting cooler.Yeah I actually thought that. I was like if I put a picture up of someone wearing a long sleeve shirt they will then think oh yeah it's getting cooler out thanks for telling me. Exactly. So I went through the internet to find the perfect picture of things I love all in one picture.

Things I love
1. Hearts
2. Stars
3. Long sleeve pushed up
4. Long sleeve shirt with no pants
5. Blue
6. Blonde hair
7. Ridiculous legs
8. Candice Swanepoel


That's weird that I was looking for the perfect pic and boom I found it. Here we go:

Please dress for the season just like Candice Swanepoel. I don't want any of you all to start getting sick.

Proposal site

I am once again looking on travel and leisure site. They have different ways to search for trips and different ranks or lists for things like best places to go for thrill rides or best hot dogs or best winter getaway that sort of thing. Which is always sweet to look at. I wrote that wrong, I should not have put a period there because it doesn't flow well, anyway. I was looking at most romantic places to propose in the world. One because I am a hopeless romantic and two because I already have the kay jewelry and now I just need the place in the girl. The girl really doesn't matter I just want everything to fit into a good story at the end of my life. The girl is just like the side part. Like I said about David Gray and the first dance at the wedding, yeah that is all for show, and so is the proposing. I would just do something sweet so she tells everyone, it is all about me is how I feel. So of course I am not going to just whip it out anywhere it has to be much bigger then that. I also hate when people do it in big groups or at sporting events, that is annoying. Enough with the attention getting, if you want to be like me and get attention like me then come up with something better, more romantic then you in your skins jersey around a bunch of people who could care less about you. Loser!

I am looking through the list and I will put the top three pics I saw of the 12. I saw Central Park on the list but that is too cliche. Also I don't want to have something again with a lot of people around. I don't want to get turned down in front of a lot of people and knowing me it could go either way- oh whooops too early I thought maybe it was worth a shot but look this was the only time I had available this year to take a week long trip so I thought hey lets go for it, I know we have only been dating for 5 months but hey when you know you know. Plus you had been flirty with some other guys lately so I thought maybe this would distract you long enough to really let me work my magic. Like this ( proceed to do push ups with no underwear on but left my shirt and socks on- my famous look.) So that is a no then. Alright well sir you can come take her back to the plane I need to be alone now, I have some thinking to do. My eyes are up here sir and also don't laugh I just got out of the water.

The Deserted Sand Spit- Fiji

The Pont Neuf- Paris

The Waipi'o Valley- Hawaii

I would have to choose the Deserted Sand Spit- Fiji. Not only because the name is sweet, but also because I like the little hut and it seems secluded enough so when I am crying after the turn down I will be able to let it all out. On the bridge will be embarrassing with all that culture walking around and asking me if I am alright in French, I do want to go to the Louvre though. The Hawaii thing is sweet so maybe I will take myself on a singles vacation after the failed proposal which will add to my story. "Then Chris picked himself up and began his journey toward finding the new Mrs. Scarce. He was an idiot who didn't see all the signs she left him like- Back the F up Chris, or I don't want this at all, or don't call me, or we can't meet now or anytime in the next year. Then Chris said well what about unless here in Fiji. She reluctantly said yes. The poor guy just kept barreling through all for the sake of getting to the proposal. Maybe next time."

Maybe next time I will start with a Love's Embrace in the cabin and if she accepts that during a huge storm then I will know she is mine. Then in a month I will head to Fiji to complete the steps. Then onto David Gray dancing, then to the court house for the divorce, then back to single life and finishing my scrapbook of pictures from all these great times. Oh I will have to knock her up at some point because I want to pass along the scrapbook to my kids when I am gone so my story lives on years after I am dead and buried.

"Bye Dad I love you, I know you do, just make sure you show the world this scrapbook, well there are no pictures of your face in it, yeah I know just tell them my story and let their imagination fill in the rest. Just like I love. Gooooooood Byyyyyyeeeee."

Affair is coming am I right?

So I am listening to this podcast from Dr. Chapman again and it is talking about infidelity. This guest author he had on his show- Dave Carter who wrote this book torn asunder, on how people first get in affairs and what you should do to avoid them. He goes into greater detail about how to save the marriage and all that sort of stuff but the thing that took me back was first that 40% of Christian marriages by the time one of the partners reaches forty will experience infidelity. The second is when Gary Chapman asked Dave how to deal with infidelity and feelings for it, he said that what he suggest to all of his couples that he works with is that anytime you get a feeling of attraction towards someone else you discuss it with your spouse. He said he felt jealous the first time his wife told him, but that it actually helped his marriage to discuss it. He says that feelings for others is a natural thing, connecting with others because we spend so much time with the other sex in our lives that we are bound to have feelings so don't deny it just be open about it.

I actually like this idea but I think it is out there because you have to be so honest and so respectful of the information. Your spouse is coming to you with something she knows you may get bitter about, yet she is trying to be up front so that nothing comes of it so you have to respect that, but man I would really have to bite my tongue but it may be what people are missing. Someone that is naturally jealous may not be able to handle this and then what. I don't know if I would even want to know but also I would want to do what is best for the marriage. Someone try it and let me know how that works out for you. Then when I finally get married at 50 I will have to then like another women and let my wife know. See what she has to say about it.

Hey I am being honest you have to respect that about me right. I mean look at her, she is hotter then you, how was I know supposed to fall for that. Look at her butt. Did I just go to far on the information?

He talked about how most people don't think they are going to have an affair but that you are naive if you think it could never happen to you. He went on to say that none of the people he has worked with actually thought that they would do this, but it just happens. Great!!!

I'm above it.

Update you all

I am all for saving the ta ta's but man do I hate that saying.

Alice Springs Chicken tonight-which means outback.

Wait am I turning into one of those people that update everything I am thinking.

Yeap!!!

Right now I am thinking how much I look like a mix of a lumberjack and Jesus. People tell me the Jesus part but I can't hold up to that look, so I am trying to push lumberjack. Hopefully they don't mind if I carry an axe into outback.

Tall me

Dang you Dr. Gary Chapman, you are completely right. I keep reading your books, listening to your podcast, and keep finding out more about myself. I need words of affirmation like she only knows. Someone tell me I am amazing please. When I pass you by just whisper sweet nothings. Actually don't, I hate the whisper and what does sweet nothings even mean. Just say Chris I really like how your strutting your stuff right now, I really wish I picked you instead of this guy. And I will be like, well we all make mistakes, your mistake is just a lot more costly because, well you choose a nice guy and really nothing else. I would love to sit in on one of your conversations, and fall asleep half way through it. No it's not you guys, I am just really tired. Well guess what, there are a lot of nice guys out there, but there is only one me.. But it's cool he is tall and nice so I get it. Oh and he makes you laugh huh? Wait is this a taller version of me were talking about. Man maybe you did make the right choice, Dr. Chapman now wtf am I supposed to do? How can I compete with tall me- he completes her, I only 3/4 complete her because I am smaller.

I need to go here, this place is beautiful:

Anantara Dhigu Resort & Spa- Maldives

                                                                         One day right?

Don't you let me go, let me go tonight!

Come on now R.

R. Kelly is sick. If he could just stay focused, I think he could really put out a classic. Not to say in my opinion he hasn't because I think tp-2 is one of the best albums ever but that is just me. I would love to see him mix a few club songs, a few slow romantic songs like 12 play, a few old school r and b songs like he covered Sam Cooke's bring it on home to me, maybe one or two religious songs. See he has it in him to make a top 500 album he just doesn't seem to stay focused enough for a full album. So I guess we have to take what he gives us and always hope for more from him. It is the people that push him to make so much club stuff that he gets away from what he is really good at, what really separates him. Here is two completely different songs. One inspirational song, the other about a women's love. As only R Kelly could do.

The list

There is a website that has list that people just make up. If you know me and I assume you do because I, wait why do I act like I have readers, the few people I knew were reading this one said they lost the website, the others are like I haven't checked it in awhile. I know I was busy and stopped writing but I like the outlet. I am working on the website really just writing things in a notebook and trying to get it where I want to be but I take a long time to get things where I want them and generally they pass me by so I have to learn to give a little I think . Anyway to me I guess, since I do entertain myself often, since I always laugh at my jokes, and since I don't get sick of hearing myself like most others do, I will continue. You know though I was thinking, the only people I am close to are the few who basically have to be because they are family. Everyone else I have either alienated or I want to be closer and they want nothing to do with me. Well I am never going to beg someone to talk to me, that is up to them, if I am that bad it's probably best we don't speak because well why would you want to. Your probably better off being entertained by whatever other people you already have in your life. I am sure they are fine. It's on me to just get over wanting to talk to those people. There are a few. Once I really settle into my house I will be such a loner, hopefully an incredible loner in my own head. There are things I want to do and just can't seem to focus. I get so easily distracted but when I have free time I really need to settle down and do it. I am lost right now, but anxious for something you know. People say it is sad how I live, and there are moments I agree with them, shutting myself off and not really knowing a connection with people, not at all, not knowing how to relate to people and understand them, but it is only sad when I try and fail so bad that they have to let me go and they just fade away and I just sit there in awe. But it's the price I have to pay for holding our for only people who inspire me. People I can't get enough of. So yes there are going to be plenty of sad moments for me, but in the end I think greatness is what I continue to hold out for. If only others were so willing to hold out for the same. I just look at you all and say- I am glad I don't have that- but if that is what you want then that is good for you. If only that makes you happy then you are lucky. It's like when you see a kid being entertained with just a block and they will go at it for 20 mins. Were like wtf? How can that still be fun for them. That is how most people are. You are with the block, and I am saying, how can that still be what you want? I only wish I was so simple. I'll wait and watch you all. Because your relationships keep me holding out for better. Thanks for that I guess. Thanks for being so plain and uninspiring that you actually do inspire me for much much better, keeping me thinking my relationships in all aspects of my life, family and love better be way way better then that.

Man I will go on a rant sometimes wtf? Anyway I was talking about lists which you all know I love. Anyway in another post yesterday maybe, I was talking about what girls look for in a guy. The site has girls just listing things they want so I will write some of them down. Ones I find interesting, even though most of them I am not. Here is one girls full list:

1. Kindness
2. Honesty
3. Respect
4. Humor
5. Intelligence
6. Imaginative
7. Affectionate
8. Adaptable
9. Ambitious
10. Non-Judgemental
11. Faithful
12. Tolerant
13. Trusting
14. Empathetic
15. Sincerity
16. Unique
17. Positive
18. Curious
19. Creative
20. Generous
21. Happy
22. Gentle
23. Patient
24. Considerate
25. Uninhibited
26. Helpful
27. Lighthearted
28. Talented
29. Spontaneous
30. Sexy
31. Clever
32. Observant
33. Resourceful
34. Adventurous
35. Enthusiastic
36. Dedicated
37. Persistent
38. Diplomatic
39. Inquisitive
40. Devoted to Family and Friends
41. Sober
42. Person with continuing spiritual growth
43. A man of God- she says here this is the most important quality in her list.


That is a really impressive list. Haha you all should go down the list and see what your guy has. I know for sure I have them all. Haha no I think I am missing a few or need to work on some. Maybe I will never date until I get this list down. I can say that because I don't ever date so if someone asks I can be like no I am working on this list. That way no girl will be able to resist. Also I will be 75 at the time but who cares right I will be sexy to the 70 year olds. I didn't want to say sexy but she had it on her list so I felt I needed to.

Here is another girls list not the full list, just things that stick out to me.
1. Is a Godly Man

2. Makes Me Laugh
3. I wake up just to spend the day with him!
12. accepts me with or without makeup
13. allows me to have plenty of freedom
14. is not jealous
15. is trusting
16. doesn’t have to drink to party
17. paves the way, rather than following others
22.loves my family

23. loves his family
24. wants a family
33. forms opinions and discusses them
43. can carry on a conversation

44. knows how to shut up and listen
45. is open-minded
46. is spirited
47. is compassionate
48. loves acting goofy
52. is there for me when I most need him

53. has goals, and achieves them
54. supports my goals
55. is my best friend
69. understands my past

70. understands my need for independence
71. i want him to try to spoil me (though Ill refuse 2 let him!)
72. can keep up with my shopping abilities
73. likes to travel
89. loves me for me, and nothing more

90. isn’t lazy
91. can cook
92. knows how to do laundry
93. knows how to iron
94. is independent of his parents
95. handles conflicts with maturity
96. treats his mom right
98. has a magnetic personality that makes me LOVE him

That is a pretty good list. Man just when I thought I was close because I was clever and had a good sense of humor. I am way off. Back to the drawing board. WTF I just used that saying last night. Now I am not even clever. How am I getting worse on the what do girls want lists. Also why did they not have- "can pick out sweet furniture better then I can" on the list? Maybe because that sounds gay. Man! The one thing I am good at, maybe I will check that off as talent. Hot girls be warned now, I will be checking off this master list I will make and once I get 75% I will send it checked off in the mail with a yes or no on in and you can send it back to me letting me know how I am doing, if you think I am date able now. I got to get on it now. Lets start at the top kindness-

"My you look pretty today, let me get the door for you my dear" (Tip of the hat)

Kindness- check
onto number 2

Runaway

Yeah I always find something wrong

I'm so gifted at finding what I don't like the most
So I think it's time for us to have a toast


Let's have a toast to the Douchebags



Baby I got a plan




Run away fast as you can!

Thick girl

I wonder- if I tell a thick girl, "I don't know if I could handle you but I would like to try" do you think they would take that as a compliment? I mean I am saying I would like to try so obviously I think they are hot, or at least close to hot I guess, but I get it that they don't want to hear that they are thick and if they could be handled. Jeez ladies I call it like I see it. I saw a thing online for what girls look for most in guys. What I love to read glamour- purely for the topics to bring up on my blogs not for enjoyment. Honesty was really high so why don't they respect it when I tell them they are thick. Haha I would never say that now- I would have years ago but I have learned my lesson- I just think it. Wierd that humor is really always high on girls list. Am I missing something. Maybe I don't have the humor girls like. They should specify which type of humor they want- I have been working this hard to perfect the list of what girls want and now I find out they want a goofy sense of humor that they understand. Not something that takes them a few reads or a minute to let it sink in. Back to the drawing board right? The joke drawing board- zing- did you ladies just love that joke I said- I hope not because I can't bring myself to say many more corny jokes. But I do love a girl who will tell a corny joke here and there, as long as she knows it's corny and not actually creative. Almost as if she is saying it with a wink. Mostly because there is nothing better then a lady who winks. Where are you my love? Oh right I missed out on you when I called you thick- my deepest apologies. You didn't seem to appreciate my wink like I did yours. Now were both missing out my love.

Throw-in Challange

As you can see this is my mock up for the throw-in challenge. I know you are like oh my gosh Chris why are you not doing this for a living. I still have the squiggly lines for the spell check and for some reason the blue underline under best. Apparently I wanted that to stick out. This is just in the works right now the challenge is but I don't have much time before it gets cold and there is no way I can win if it gets cold out. She was great at the throw-in, she actually inspired me to practice. I would tell my dad to secretly film her throwing it in that way I could go home and break down what she was doing. What I could learn from her. Well I think I finally got it. It's all in the legs. Me and my design team have been putting in countless hours on this flyer/challenge so it will be really embarrassing if I show up and she doesn't but I will take it as a victory that she was scared to lose the throw-in crown. Me vs Lorie Coker what a battle. I am having a throw-in trophy made as well. I forgot to put on the flyer that there may be hot dogs served and live music, there won't be but I may put it just to draw in a crowd.  I will probably be wearing my old jersey and hopefully she will be wearing hers. I was number 16 wtf was her number. I guess I have to go watch the film, I was so busy yelling shark em and breaking down her throw-ins that I forgot to see what number she was. I hope you guys can make the contest. It will last all of five minutes with introductions and stuff. Trust me it will be awkward just as I like it. Wish me luck. Good luck to Lorie as well.