Mine is

You all should know by now that I like to listen to sermons on podcasts while I am working among other things. Today I was listening to the junkies and the other day I was listening to a Yale lecture on philosophy. It is sweet you can get lectures from different schools on itunes and also learn out loud which I was listening to the 5 love languages guy Gary Chapman- his podcast all of last week. I recommended it to someone but they didn't respond to me but they and you all should check it out. I have a lot of time to listen to these podcast so I am always trying new things to see what is good and what I just don't need to download anymore. So I saw this one girl's likes on facebook was Richmond Community Center so I decided to check it out because that is how I am I am curious. So I went to the webpage and they had podcast. So I downloaded a few of them and listened to them over this week. They had one on tell the truth, make the honor roll, crave contentment  and a lot more. I thought it was pretty good. It is very easy to listen to and relate to which is good. As I was listening I can definitely place myself into what he is talking about and figure out what I need to work on in my life. It is positive and you want to change after you hear them so overall it is a good message. The only thing I would like is a bit more theology. I know that is not for everyone but I like a lot of theology in my sermons to really push me learning wise and and humble me. I like both of these approaches though and even though I like the deeper stuff that is kind of dry I don't want to just here that only. So the other sermon like the Richmond church offers is also a good. I guess it depends on the mood for me. I think I will continue listening though but they don't put them out as fast as I could listen so I have to just hit like one or two a week. I was looking for one on bitter because the girl said last year that her church sermon was on being bitter and I always use the word and she liked the message, but I don't even know if it is the same church that she was talking about. I don't talk to her anymore and surprise it is because she won't talk to me- like anyone out there reading this is shocked haha.

So in all the time that I have to think during work I was doing some deep thinking in between podcast listens and I was like hmmmm I wonder what it is that makes girls not attracted to me. I didn't want to take this from an emotional level just a philosophical level- trying to evaluate myself which is hard to do- to take a look from the outside. Now I know a few things about me that are not good to start off with-

1. I never really meet new people
2. I am not overly welcoming when I do meet new people
3. I am at this time not much of a catch looks wise with the beard and the hair and just the overall mess of a man haha
4. When I do get to actually talk to a girl who finds me somewhat interesting I am way too much and wear my insecurities and securities on my sleeve
5. I open my mouth before I speak a lot of times and just say dumb things
6. I get obsessed with things very easily or go the other way and don't care about it at all

Alright so we all know there is many more of those but that is just for starters because I do find that there are some good things as well just they don't get seen as much. So I was thinking about the list I put up a week ago or so wondering hmmmm( once again a long hmmmmm to really let you know I was thinking right Auguste Rodin-get it?) where do I stand on each thing on the list so I will start from the top and see how I am with the first two and work on those unless I don't need to which is very likely the case in which I will move onto the next one. This list won't take long to fly through I imagine.

1. Kindness
I actually thought- yeah I am pretty kind not overly kind but kind. Then I started looking online for over an hour and realized- I am not really all that kind. I am average at best. I don't go out of my way to help people- not to say I don't give money to homeless and hold doors open and be nice to people on a regular basis but nothing that asks to much of me. So the first one on the list and I fail and I actually wonder what the deal is. Haha man well it looks like I need to work on number one. I am seeing a ton of ideas online that I like- giving anonymous money to people for food, volunteering, just pushing myself to be kinder. I am so involved in my own little world that I don't see what is going on around me and that is a shame. I call myself a Christian yet Jesus would not be proud of how little effort I have put in to being kind to others.

Kindness-Fail
I will work on it and keep you updated.

2. Honesty- I pride myself here- I am honest and I know that haha obviously if I am saying it to you it means I am. So I think I pass this one with flying colors. I may actually be too honest sometimes and could learn to hold back a little.