Keeps coming at you

Continued from the other night:
Christina Applegate-"Call us back right away. That 'three day' crap does not apply. We're getting older and we don't have time to screw around. Wait too long and we'll lose interest. Trust me on this one."

Now you tell me Kelly Bundy, I always wait three days, at least, normally I wait like a month to really let it simmer, then I pick up the phone all nervously and this is how it goes:
Me: Hey
Girl: Hey
Me: I can't believe inception is doing so well at the box office, I mean I figured it would do well and
Girl: Excuse me who is this
Me: What oh haha (fake laugh) this is Chris, you can't tell by my voice.
Girl: no sorry, didn't we go out like a month ago
Me: Yeah exactly a month ago, remember
Girl: Yeah I remember, and why are you calling me now
Me: To long of a simmer I guess huh?
Girl: What are you talking about?
Me: Man Kelly Bundy was right, so back to inception (me trying hard to really save this conversation)
Girl: Hey I got things to do, and I am actually seeing someone now so please don't call anymore
Me: Dang it Kelly Bundy, alright I am a gentleman, one last question does your new guy compliment you on your sweet big ham hocks the way I did
Girl: No and I don't appreciate that by the way, it was rude
Me: Girls love bad boys am I right?
Girl: Bye and don't call me again- hard hang up to show she is mad

See that, I just planted the seed, 4 years from now she will say, I wonder what Chris is doing, he was a really weird guy, and that is all I need, just that passing thought of me keeps me going through the hard times.

Melora Hardin "We know men think breasts are like Barstow: just a short stop on the way to Vegas. But sometimes lingering a little longer at the places along the way can make for a more pleasant trip."

WTF is she talking about, Barstow, Vegas? How about this one Melora, my junk is like Texas- don't get it, well now you know how we feel when you refer to your boobs as places. By the way what are the nips then? If you get a girl like this who feels the need to name her places, make sure you say something like I am titty twisting the F out of Barstow right now, or Vegas is getting pounded. Make so many references to the places that she realizes she just made a huge mistake in actually naming them. Make sure you put her down enough that she knows Texas won.

Jennifer Love Hewitt-"We're not complimented when you call your ex a slut. She dated you, too. So what are we?"

Don't listen to this slut fellas, she has no idea what she is talking about. This is what I said to my girl about my ex.

Me: Yeah so I was really tearing that slut up when my foot begin to slip and I always wear socks of course and I grabbed onto her boobs to stop me from falling and she was like
Girlfriend: Excuse me, you know how I hate when you call her a slut
Me: Oh sorry so yeah where was I before I was rudely interrupted, oh talking about tearing my ex up and slipping ,as you like to call her.
Girlfriend: How does this relate to my story about going to the mall
Me: Oh right, I was not even paying attention to what you were talking about I was thinking about that old slut, I mean ex of mine.
Girlfriend: What
Me: Ohh jeeez here we go such a drama queen
End Scene

Fellas that is how you do it. Yeah I got dumped that day but who cares, she was boring who wants to talk about the mall. I think we can all agree my conversation was going to be way more interesting and I always say whoever has the more interesting topic gets the floor. If you butt in with something more interesting then you get the floor right then, and I have to stop immediately. She knows the rules and really she was out of line, because she interrupted me when I should have had the floor. Good riddance to that slut. I mean Ex.