I know your waiting

I know you are waiting for me, on the edge of your seat- I actually had the balls to call the last post "I will get back at it tonight" and then I didn't. WTF right? Well I guess I should have said
"I will get back at it in the next few days. Don't wait up." I realize it does take so time to be so clever. Not just normal clever no no, above and beyond. Actually I lied, that's what makes me so sweet, it doesn't take me long if I am not put on the spot, or am not in front of a hot girl, or actually now that I think about it, it doesn't take me long in my head, it's just alot of my zings go unsaid, because I am saving them for that special one. I have a journal of lines that I plan on breaking out when I finally meet her. Basically the first few dates will be me just reading straight from the notebook and her sitting there laughing until her stomach hurts and then I pull a george cantstandya and leave the room on a high note. So actually just one date for me and her. Most likely not planning on talking to her again. It would all go down hill from there I think. I don't want to turn into that couple that when you see them eat, they are all bored looking. Which is almost every couple. Don't worry though if you are one of them, you are the norm. And if you think right now, oh I am not in one of them we have great conversations, well 1. You don't, I have sat behind you at a restaurant and your conversations suck, half way through I ended up putting my headphones in and 2. don't worry once again, because it those days of hardly any talking are coming. I mean take a look at the numbnut your with. You really think he can keep it up for years to come. Yeah ok. Well I will be there to tell you I told you so. Just holding my notebook with a zing to cheer you up. Actually I won't, oh I will be in the place where you finally realize while you are just scooting your spaghetti around, thinking of something to say, and it will hit you like, WTF am I doing with this guy? And right then you will hear a laugh like a really goofy laugh and then you will look up and you will see a piece of paper that says go to the bathroom. Then on the bathroom door it will say I told you so. Did I just steal that idea from your date. Because I am sure he could come up with that. Haha like he would want to.

Where the F was I, man I got to stay focused. So I wanted to discuss the 8 dating mistakes even smart women make. Of course I didn't come up with these because I would have called it 18 dating mistakes slutty girls make. Maybe I will write that later. But now here it is.

1. Being too available: We’re not suggesting you play games, but we are telling you to indulge your passions and resist the urge to abandon your social circle every time your new man sends an invitation.

I am suggesting you play games. Nothing like a guy just getting the run around. But if you don't like to play games then I say f it and just always run to the guy. Yes you will have to put out, but that is the price you will have to pay for true love. I mean who cares if you have to get banged out by a few gross guys and get your heartbroken 30 times to me Mr. Right. It is all worth it in the end. Once he goes to Jarred's you will never even thing about the guy with the hairy back again.

2. Dating Mistake #2: Trying to Rehabilitate a Bad Boy. Ending a relationship is rarely easy, and though flying solo might not be your long-term goal, being on your own is better than feeling alone in a relationship with someone who treats you poorly. Even when it might be tempting to give a toxic romance one more try, knowing when to cut your losses and move on leaves you available and baggage-free when the right guy comes along.
Wrong- he will come around. Trust me I once was one. I used to jaywalk in richmond daily, but I saw the light and that was on my own. Imagine if I had some hot girl pushing me to become better. She would have been like Chris, you have to stop the jaywalking, also I hate when you come to a rolling stop, and I am like WTF girl get off my back, I am a freakin bad boy. And she would be like well I am leaving, stop the car and I would be like what, no I will come to a rolling stop and then you have to jump out. And here is your bags. Wait did they mean actual bags when they said baggage. Either way he will come around, look at me now, I always stop. Stop short that is.

3. Dating Mistake #3: Looking for Perfection. Encouraging you to settle isn’t our style, but separating your desires from your deal-breakers can give your love life a major upgrade.

Again I never settle, I continue looking only for perfection, and look at me. Success story in the romance category so I don't know who you would rather listen to. You decide. Mr. Single which is my nickname or these idiots.

4. Dating Mistake #4: Feeling Sorry for Yourself. Resist the urge to bemoan your single status (which will only make him wonder why you find yourself such terrible company) and use this time to date yourself.

Yeah real good idea. who are you dating now- oh myself. Which obviously if there was a girl me who was really hot I would love to date her, but it would be magnetic and way to intense I am sure, arguing all the time, and also both of us carrying our notebook around of zings, plus we would both hate eye contact so we would be at the table looking down but cracking up and also our fridge would be filled with leftovers. It would be hard to keep track of whose chicken nuggets were whose.

5. Dating Mistake #5: Knowing His Thread-Count Before You Know His Phone Number
Getting it on with a sexy stranger is your natural-born right, but according to many guys, it can be the wrong move if you’re looking for long-term love.

Wrong-WTF are they talking about they must have asked loser guys then. Obviously I wasn't part of that poll.

6. Dating Mistake #6: Being Too Selfish in Your Relationship One of the downsides of being independent is that it can lead to some self-absorbed tendencies—a huge turnoff for men looking for a serious relationship, says Ming Gregory, a professional matchmaker at Color Blind International Dating Service.

Of course someone with a name like ming would say that. How about a huge turnon ming. Nothing gets me more pumped then when a girl is self absorbed and is like I need time alone to do all the things I want, or I can't do this it is to hard on me, me, me, ming. I love that girl ming.

7. Dating Mistake #7: Believing in The One
“A lot of women make dating more difficult by placing so much pressure on themselves to find the one-and-only-man-in-a-billion they believe is right for them,” says Ali, 35, from Gaithersburg, Maryland.

Man Ali- how is all the other billion working out for you. Are they what you envisioned. I hope so, because I am sure when you do fall in love with one of those you will ultimately think oh this is the one. You won't probably say, oh this guy ted yeah I love him, want to marry him but if he never asks there are billion others. I won't be upset, because there are plenty of guys out there that can make me laugh like this. Who cares if I let him get away. Tons of Teds right Ali. Wrong. Your annoying Ali.

8. Dating Mistake #8: Forgetting Your Manners
We can’t imagine this is something you’d ever do, but a little reminder never hurts: Say thank you.

What?