First Date Do's and Don'ts

This is how I am gonna rock this glamour article. First I am going to break it down for 25 seconds to a chris brown song just to get me pumped up.
Alright I just killed it.
Where was I?
Right first date dos and don'ts:
I will just say right or wrong and maybe give some of my opinion. What the F do I really know though about first dates? If you said nothing your right, if you said "chris you know alot" then you are wrong and stop trying to be funny. If you said Chris I am sure you could easily be like a romeo on the first date with all of the plans I have heard you say about what you would do then you are wrong there also because that was all talk. This article is towards girls which is why I had to jump all on it.
1. Don't get ahead of yourself- wrong- make sure you get way ahead of yourself, hold your standards high and if they don't meet them within the first 5 mins just go ahead and leave because why wait when you could be home watching something on lifetime or the bachelor that you have taped like a loser. And if it is a great first date, make sure you call your friends and freak out and then check his facebook page and text him like crazy.
2. Do be open to unexpected date ideas- wrong- what the f is this your taking me to, a picnic, this is so unexpected and I hate it, what did you pack, pb and J's once again unexpected and they are not even smooshed like the pj&js when we went on field trips -I'm gone.
3. Don't go somewhere with overflowing eye candy- right, because I won't hesitate to look. Most guys will try to be all sly but keep an eye on him because he will be looking. He notices the hot girl across the room. Just go ahead and let him get it out of his system then. I like to tell girls right up front first conversation- look I will most likely be staring at all the butts in here good or bad so if you see a guys junk you want to look at go ahead and stare. It really clears the air right up front. It has worked wonders with me.
4. Do wear flats- wrong, barefoot please, I love feet, especially that hot 6th toe girls get when they wear heels, and also when they are painted blue. No I do like the blue really.
5. Do wear sexy underwear- wrong no undies please, just a rule I have, but I tell her before hand make sure you wear no panties, I will be checking. Thanks bye. I hang up before they can say differently- it gives me an out when I don't like them. I am like things were going great until I saw an underwear line, but I'm outta here. But there is another guy across the way that I am sure, because he looks like a real douche bag, that you would be interested in. Here he comes, gotta go.
6.Do bring dental supplies with you- WTF?
7. Do call a friend for a pep talk- wrong- no advice, she is going to tell you things you don't need to hear, like make sure your wearing underwear, make sure you keep your legs shut, make sure you pack the pb&js and don't smoosh them- guys hate that.
8. Don't wear anything too sexy over the underwear- wrong, big time wrong the sluttier I mean sexier the better, plus you have no underwear on as far as I am concerned.
9. Do facebook him- yeah make sure you facebook him, I meet all my girls on there, there is even this one girl from Alabama she is basically head over heels for me(first time I used that quote ever in my life did I use it right) she writes me once every four months after I write creepy messages to her acting like I know her - I think she is coming around though, also I constantly tell her I love her teeth and that she looks 30 so basically I am telling her everything she wants to hear.
10. Don't let him know you've been google stalking him all week- what
11. Don't drink and date- wrong- drink up please, nothing like a drunk girl with no underwear on right?
12. Do have a positive attitude- wrong- just wrong I don't need that, I need something challenging as if dating isn't hard enough, actually getting a date isn't hard enough, I want to work at it even when I get there. I want you to really fight holding back that laugh if I say something funny. Just stay bitter the whole time. Make me work for it.
13. Do order a big girl meal- wrong- I don't need you eating like a big girl in front of me, get a doggie bag and then kill it when you get home please. Let me thank you dont really eat and that you are going to be skinny forever.
14. Do act interested in what he is saying- well if it is the douchebag Im sure your with how could you not be, if it is me, try to at least act like your paying attention, because I struggle with conversation unlike that guy.
15. Don't turn your dates into therapy sessions- haha
16. Don't psychoanalyze the date- oh I totally do it, I actually carry a pic of a douche bag that I may see out, I take a pic of him- a guy that should never really get hot girls but does, yeah I have a pic of him and the whole time I am like what would this guy do. And then when I say something like, oh yeah your feet are gross I look at the picture "What, oh man douche would never say that, I ruined the date." Then I sprint away -leaving the douche bag at the bar to come clean up my mess. I hate that guy and the fact that he gets the girl for real. I don't even care that hot girls are ever dating but just thinking of the guys these girls get with man that kills me. Whhhyyyy? Don't you see what you all are doing, he is not cool I promise you, you will see that in 15 years when it is too late. That is why that guy never ends up with the girl in the movies because well he is a loser, you just haven't gotten to that part of your movie/life yet to actually see it.
17. Don't get to personal- yeah please don't tell me you have to go take a dump
18. Don't talk about your ex- why who cares this isn't going anywhere.
19. Do discuss issues that are important to you- wrong- I don't really care
20. Don't talk about sex- WTF? Look when I ask you if you want to get up on my junk or not it is not an ice breaker even though that does work but I am seriously asking because generally I have it already out of my pants with the condom on under the table so if you say no and laugh dont mind the zipper sound.
21. Don't let him take you to a second location if you don't like him- wrong - let me get a second shot with you on the second part of the date, I only get better as the night goes along and you get drunker. By the end of the night I am amazing and by morning Im gone, and not because I don't like to cuddle but no I am playing hard to get and don't mind the dirty sock on the floor- think of me as a gentleman not taking advantage of a drunk you, well only taking advantage of your hand and your sock. WTF ewww.
22. Don't try to add him as a facebook friend after the first date- haha go for it, you should make sure you take off single soon enough too, just to let all the guys know what is up. That you are off the market, back off haha. First don't write anything at all, keep us guessing, when are on the edge of our seats, or we don't care at all. Either one. Then hit us with it. When you do write it here is an idea:
In a relationship with douche bag.
23. Do break the dating rules- ok
24. One of them was don't talk about your ex a second time- whatever

Glamour again missed almost all of them- big surprise!