Ten things

Not that I hate about you, even though I could come up with atleast that much. But no it is in glamour ten things your man never needs to know. Now this again is coming from a dumb couple of girls who thinks they know what a man needs to know. They are idiots about this so I am going to break it down since I really know what the heck I am talking about.
1. The number of guys you have slept with:
Wrong- what guy doesn't want to know if he is going out with a slut. You should definitely tell him, but first if it is like 25 which I am sure it is atleast that for most of you ladies, tell him it is somewhere between 10-30. That way he has fun with it. He can be tossin and turning thinking ok ten that is alright, 30 oh man can I actually be with this slutty girl. That will give him some real confidence issues and in the end it will only better him.
2. What happened the time you got food poisoning
Again wrong. I don't like to think of a girl as never throwing up or blowing it up. I hate it when a girl never admits to that stuff. She is only human so go ahead and tell the guy, the more graphic the better, I see it and really get into the story with noises and stuff. He will love it.
3. Where you learned your signature sex move
Ok well if he already knows your a slut since you told him about number 1 then why does he care how you learned the move, maybe he will think "oh she had 30 other guys she was just perfecting the move for me. That's my little slut"
4. That no matter how happy you are you still pine for your ex
There is where I agree with them, I don't want to hear this alright, I don't care that you love his chubby stomach, that he can be funny every once in awhile, that he can be kind-of interesting- not really interesting but still, no I don't want to hear about this guy, I mean how can I compete? I can't so stop it. Wait who am I talking to?
5. Mustache bleaching
What, I would love to hear about this, better yet I would love for you to stop bleaching it because I am crazy for a girl with a good stache. I am sitting here trying to think about how a girl would do a mustache ride, anyway stop bleaching it now, and start growing it, no hitler though, no one can ever rock a hitler anymore.
6. That you snoop around his email, and call log just to see what you really think of him:
so they got another one right- I would hate this. First off I would tell you everything, mostly except that I love your belly, I won't tell you that cause I don't, nor will I tell you that I like your dance moves if I didn't and I won't tell you you look good if you don't but other then that anything you need to know I will tell you so never snoop around in a guys emails and text, just freaking ask.
7. Your best sex:
What the heck do I care- you have been with a bunch of guys, of course some of the dudes were gonna knock it out of the park, even if they were chubby.
8. That braceface was the nicest of your nicknames in middle school:
This one is stupid
9. Just how hot you think his friend is:
Yeah this one you should probably not say but since I really don't see any of my friends, if you see any of them, I would say for you to tell them I said what up. Since I don't see them that often you probably won't either so it is no big deal.
10. That you once hooked up with your best guy friend:
What? I thought that dude was gay, you mean to tell me you hooked up with that guy eww. That is what I would say. Of course I would judge every guy you hooked up with anyway so just throw him into the list of many. I would be like oh that guy is a loser. Oh man you love guys who are not sweet, not funny, no passion, and your like I beg to differ about the passion because he killed it many time, and I am like I am sure he did but is he this flexible and then I proceed to do the v-sit and reach( with the meter stick and everything where you are like holding my legs) and your like no he wasn't that flexible but who cares, then I am like what about pull-ups, how many of them can he get( I knock out 20 right in your face, your reading the paper by now) then I am like come over here and count how many push ups I can do in a minute. You say shut up and count yourself (your getting really annoyed now), so I do, and I do 90 or so, I may have cheated on the last few but you weren't watching- your not impressed, and then your like why am I even with you and I say I will show you- I will be back in 6 minutes flat, then when I return from my sweet mile run to show you how good of a catch I am, there is a note saying I left you for a new guy(he is a douchebag, I'm sure) and all your stuff is gone, and I am like man she packs fast, then I check the clock and am pumped about my 6 min mile, then I go watch the Olympics, and teen wolf. You on the other hand go wax your mustache because your insecure about it and think the new guy may hate it. He probably will. But what can you expect when you date a loser.